[SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

[deconstruct]

I N B O X

IC Contact " It's Andyr. Do your thing. " Mun Contact • PLURK: Wuzzafuzzle • Journal PM

Comments

7:27 | text

[procedures]

Have you talked to the others?

[deconstruct]

seen Val, saw Miray. saw what-his-ass. scruffy. the not-me that's not-you's best buddy.

9:43 | txt

[mangled]

They gave me an assignment in the medbay.

[ ]

jkcsla is that the time or the date

[deconstruct]

[ oh.

if it were andyr, he would be so much not okay with that.

there is. some mild concern here. [yeti] ]

you gonna be ok with that? alva's there too.

text.

[drawed]

leave nick alone.

[deconstruct]

oh

ok

[ ?????? who are you and why should he care? ]

8/4 | note

[abide]

[ Whenever Andyr finally returns to his room, he'll find a small sheet of paper folded in half laying on his bed—probably placed their by a roommate when he asked. If opened, there's a simple sketch along with a few words just at the corner that read: ]

Thanks for the fish. SR

[deconstruct]

[ what

what what what

W H A T

since when does he get gifts, since when do people make things for him, since when are they fish things

what.

well, this gets stared at for a long time, and eventually pinned up on the wall near his bunk, but nothing's sent back to him for a day or so.

eventually, steve will find this dropped out of the vent grate, with a note scrawled on the back: ]

crown tail betta fish

sorry, i traced it

ps - named the goldfish rupert

[ he doesnt feel the need to sign it. who the fuck else would be sending you fish sketches, steve? ]

8/30 | note

[abide]

[ Like earlier in the month, Andyr will find another piece of paper gently folded atop his bed when he returns to his room. It's not as serious as the first few sketches—just a black and white drawing of whale in a little tutu. There's a message scribbled at the bottom. ]

You can name this one. SR

[deconstruct]

[ ermahgerd steven. it has a tutu, he can't even start complaining about it being inaccurate. ]

you and i both know that whale's never gonna make it to the ballerina dream, that's just cruel

text;

[alterplex]

[ They've been catapulted planetside, the ship is a mess, and they're two-feet deep in water; it's as good a time as any to check up on people that Venom is concerned for. ]

Status?

text;

[deconstruct]

[ well that's not militaristic sounding as fuck. ahab, pls. ]

fine, dandy, annoyed with wet socks, but getting a real tan for the first time in six and a half years. you?

[ added a short second later: ]

don't eat parasites, ahab

text.

[abide]

[ It's late but not quite, just after the party's started. Guess what? He's not really that mad you bit him. ]

You find a place to sleep tonight?

text.

[deconstruct]

[ are you sure you're not mad? it's okay if you're mad, it makes sense to be mad. he'd convinced himself you were mad, basically. possibly why he'd been avoiding him since that incident, though not really why he's sleeping out here. on some rocks. by a lagoon. with a small waterfall. which he sends steve a picture of, in response. this is where he's sleeping. or, rather, staring up at the sky and wishing he didn't have to leave. ]

i like the sound.

how's the arm?

9/29 | note

[abide]

[ He's lucky no one's stopped him from doing this, though he'd talked himself out of it for days since they stepped back on the Moira. Steve's been avoiding people more than he usually does, for certain reasons, and thanks to an interesting book that showed up in the mail, he's been reading to pass the time. About fish. He draws a few of them, settling on one in particular after reading about it.

Tucked in the usual place in Andyr's room is a folded piece of paper with a few fish sketched so that they're wrapped in flags like they're togas. It's the only thing he can think of to help bridge the gap. ]

Do you know about American flagfish? SR

[deconstruct]

[ ah, this has been a conversation he's been aggressively trying not to think about. and aggressively trying not to think too far into the fact steve hadn't spoken to him since they got a lot more than friendly on that island. most people he's been able to brush it off with - so we kissed, so we touched, it happens, forget it. he and steve did a bit more than just kissing and some light touching.

what he sends him makes it feel like nothing had happened, and andyr's relieved to find fish wearing flag togas, and a note about another ridiculous kind of fish. so back to normal, he's hoping. ]

yeah, though they're not called that much anymore. i'm surprised you do. or were you just trying to make shit up again and accidentally ended up being right?

ps, i dont know if i should give these ones american names or roman ones

video.

[abide]

[ It's probably pretty obvious that he's not looking his normal best. In fact, maybe he's a bit paler than usual. But enough about that. What about that new thing with Bucky. ]

Did I miss something?

video.

[deconstruct]

[ andyr's still flopped out on the floor, lifting the MID on his wrist up only to answer the call, giving a short glimpse of his face before his arm flops back out. ]

Yeah, about two weeks.

11/6. text; not late to this party at all

[voicelog]

how are the filtration and security systems performing?

[He finally remembers to check in on that.]

never late

[deconstruct]

great, easy to work with. thanks for those.

Delivery

[hohnkai]

On the 13th, small wooden tokens (etched onto it are two snakes, intertwined with each other) will be placed in your mailbox.

[deconstruct]

Aight, creepy, but ty, universe??? Andyr will just set those aside somewhere and squint at them suspicious for long periods of time.

text | after the thing

[abide]

[ It feels impersonal like this, but Steve doesn't trust his own words right now. ]

Are you gonna tell me what that was about?

[deconstruct]

[ it takes a couple hours for andyr to send him a reply, about three, really, but it's good he does wait, given it wouldn't have been a pleasant talk otherwise. look at him, learning and all. ]

im sorry

i know you were just trying to help

text

[curiousnotmalicious]

I was supposed to turn thirty this month. I lost track of the days. What day is it, anyway?

[deconstruct]

i was supposed to be 25 in november. time's so ass backwards here, though.

you like celebrating that stuff?

late week three

[nightmarist]

[Ronan could be a normal person who calls his friends or maybe texts once in a while.

But he is not.

Instead he's waiting in Andyr's tent, all folded up with his chin resting on his knees, perched on the edge of the bed in a most bird-like way.]

[deconstruct]

[ it's okay, ronan. andyr's idea of texting to check up on people is just delivering gross or scary fish trivia. he's hardly offended by ronan showing up in person, though andyr is immediately concerned, seeing him with his knees pulled up, waiting quietly in his tent as if it's some kind of safe place. ]

Hey. Everything okay?

[ andyr wouldn't be offended if he came to him just for some kind of emotional stability or help, he considers that part of what he wants to be a provider of for any of the people he considers friends, not just ronan alone. that is the first concern, though, when he spots him there, crawling into the tent and tugging the flap closed, before he kneels down a little further back, prying petra out of he passenger seat inside his sweater to let her run around free. ]

a very rare text message

[nightmarist]

can we talk?

a unicorn 8O!

[deconstruct]

we can always talk

where?

text.

[abide]

[ Things have been a whirlwind since they've moved from one planet to the next. Steve still doesn't even know where he's going to be staying, but apparently, other things take precedence over that. ]

Are you busy?

[deconstruct]

not really. i got a thing i need to show you, though.

V-day because he can

[unaffluent]

[ Finding something for Ronan, had been easy. Adam knows Ronan like the back of his own hand after all. But, he wanted to get Andyr something too because Andyr is something special as well.

He leaves a small box outside of Andyr's door, not wanting to open it and wake him up since he's just dropping it off before going to work.

Inside the box is a simple necklace. He's not sure Andyr likes that sort of thing. He's not sure about a lot of things.

Engraved into the underside of the fish, in latin, pretty much because Andyr won't know what it means: Pulvis et umbra sumus. What it really means is life is short and Adam is happy Andyr is in it. ]

[deconstruct]

[ andyr loves this sort of thing. adam's probably noticed by now, having actually seen andyr bare several times now, that there's two things he never takes off - the dog tags around his neck, always tucked into his shirt, and the leather, sea glass bracelet around a wrist.

the little necklace adam leaves him is now part of that set, feeling complete with a trifecta. as opposed to the dog tags, the fish necklace sits on top of his clothes at all times, andyr like looking at it any times he catches himself in a reflective surface.

the day he gets it, though, andyr goes digging through books and the thisavrou equivalent to internet, trying to translate the back of it. he finds the words, digs through the source, looks through the various interpretations, and soaks it all up, small smile on his lips with each new bit of understanding.

the next day, adam will find a intricately designed bag laid on his bed, all gear and mechanics and logic things that combine in mesmerizing harmony, all of it something that reminded andyr so much of adam. embossed on the inside, is a phrase in french. Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. the same adam had left for him.

he has so little time, and so much uncertainty for the future, but he loves every moment spent with these boys. ]

v-day 2: 2 valentines 2 furious

[nightmarist]

[Apparently Valentine's Day is a thing they're doing. Ronan has never celebrated it before, of course, since he spent eighteen years living that repressed chaste Catholic homosexual life. But this is finally the year he doesn't have to be bitter and lonely while everyone else is doing the romance thing. Instead of running around yelling, "FUCK THIS CORPORATE HOLIDAY," he's delivering gifts to his lovers.

What he leaves in Andyr's room isn't exactly the most romantic gift at a glance. But he thinks Andyr will understand it. Ronan hangs a dreamcatcher of raven feathers and sea glass beside the door. Attached to it is a note in Ronan's handwriting that reads: THESE THINGS REALLY WORK.]

valentines drift

[deconstruct]

[ coming back into his room, andyr freezes when he sees the dreamcatcher dangling from his door, as if it'd always been there, unassuming. he knows, before he touches the note, who it's from, seeing the raven feathers attached.

immediately, it means so much more to him than he can say. andyr'd told ronan about the dreamcatcher his mother had made, the tattoo behind his eyelid, the calming thought of it over his head as he laid in pain. his fingertips touch delicately at the feathers, knowing this, too, must be a dream thing, but it feels so full of something purely ronan. it's immediately hung over his bed, and andyr spends his nights occasionally reaching up to graze his hand through the dangling feathers, as if petting some invisible bird, or a sensation of ronan close by.

valentine's day, while still partly present, isn't a huge thing in andyr's world anymore, so he'd been caught off guard with the gifts. for the next couple days, he's here and there, often out in the other regions, fetching things. the bag for adam, and what he gets for ronan is a bit more involved.

a few days after the dreamcatcher was left in his room, ronan will come home to a detailed knife set in a leather sheath on his bed, the worked metal itself looking warped and unusual, like ronan's dream things, and the blade's edge wickedly sharp - not something for simple decoration. andyr thinks, if anyone's likely to understand what he means by gifting his lover a weapon, it's ronan.

along the edge, he's had the same words engraved as he'd put on adam's bag: Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. a sentiment that applies to all of them. ]

Phone taglmao sorry

[unaffluent]

[It's after he had gone over what he wanted with Ronan, ensuring that it is something Ronan wants too before he goes to Andyr. He makes quick work of finding him with Ronan trailing behind him.]

Andyr, can I... We [a quick stolen glance at Ronan] show you something?

[It's easier just to show a porn video okay.]

[deconstruct]

[ every time ronan asks him 'can we talk', it seems to end in something either bad, or emotionally devastating at some point. so, when andyr makes his way in from watching the pond, and adam asks something very similar sounding, he glances from one of them, to the other, and back again, nerves immediately set on edge. ]

Is something wrong? [ the first thought in his head. maybe they decided this isn't working and they need to call it off. andyr won't argue it, but god, he's already feeling an ache of hurt. he'd grown so much more attached to the both of them than he'd ever meant to.

his hands twists at the cuffs of his sleeves, picking at the fabric nervously. ] Did I do something?

Text

[unaffluent]

can I ask you for something and it stay between us?

[deconstruct]

you know im bad at keeping secrets

[ he's bad at keeping ronan's secrets from adam, and vice versa. it makes him feel like more of a wedge between them, being something withholding. but he also wants to be someone adam can trust for help. ]

what do you need?

TEXT; Backdated to April 10th

[squadgoals]

[There's a ping, and Andyr will find their TAB lighting up with what is, perhaps, the most straightforward birthday invitation you've ever seen.

Clearly made in a template, maybe titled "PROFESSIONAL LINES" or something equally boring, it invites you to a "a small birthday celebration" at a new restaurant/bar opening in Kauto's Region 1.

There is a button to RSVP, and the additional option to add a "plus one".

It is signed off simply with "SHEPARD".

Will you attend this crunk-ass fête, this... space jam??]

[unaffluent]

[Andyr had given him everything he'd asked for and more. His body ached, there were bruises and abused skin and it'd all been exactly what he needed, what he wanted. He felt lighter and not like the world was crushing him as they lay panting tangled in the sheets and still coming down. He knew the other had broken his skin in a few places, those bites still hurting. Maybe still bleeding he didn't know. It didn't matter if they were he loved them. He hopes already that they'll leave scars.

He presses his face into the curve of Andyr's neck and he's full of so many things. He's grateful. Andyr had understood what he needed, he's not sure if the why made sense. Adam's not even sure the why made sense to himself but Andyr hadn't judged him. He'd accepted him like he was, did everything to give him what he needed.

They were done but Adam wasn't ready to pull away. The longer the sex was over the more the overwhelming emotions he felt for Andyr pushed to the surface. They weren't new by any means but they bubbled up uncontainable along with his gratitude for the care Andyr had shown him. he'd cried at some point too and he's glad he's not crying now as he pulls back to look at Andyr.

His fingers trace his face the way he's apt to do, loving and attentive and the words play on his lips and he finds himself scared to say them. The first time he'd said it to Ronan, it hadn't been scary. It was like reading a story you already knew the ending to. With Andyr, he didn't know. Andyr was only with him because of Ronan in the first place, he cared... But the words held weight because there was no confidence that Andyr would feel the same, perhaps the insecurities made only more apparent by the dissaray with Ronan earlier over Declan.]

I love you. [Adam murmurs and it's hard to immediately not say that Andyr doesn't have to say it back to make it easier to accept the rejection when it'd come. His fingers brush over Andyr's lips and he doesn't look away.]

April 15th

[unaffluent]

[ Finishing the house had taken a lot of work, effort and money and then a little help from an enemy but it was done and Adam was proud of it for the most part. He'd brought Andyr first and they'd had leftover noodles from earlier when he'd got them from the shop near his work earlier that day.

Adam still feels heavy because the conversation he's already planned to have with Andyr, scared and nervous of having decided on a gamble that might leave him bankrupt. ]

Andyr I need to talk to you about something important. [ Adam inhales and holds his breath for a moment before he continues. ]

I'm going to break up with Ronan. [ His hand had reached for Andyr's, gripping it tightly as if soon as he said those words Andyr would bolt off. ]

[deconstruct]

[ andyr's proud of the two of them, and especially of adam, who put so much into building this place, with all the brilliance and capability in his mind. really, all andyr'd done was hold things where adam told him to, or hammered something here, or drilled something there. he'd needed everything taught to him.

but, he'd learned, and it was something other than tearing things down, and that's maybe something to be proud of as well. now, they're lounged out in the living room of his new place, and andyr's feeling a happy kind of buzzing in his head. until, well, this. ]

What? [ at first, he doesn't believe what he hears, and you can see it, as realization dawns, and denial sets in, Andyr shaking his head. no, that can't be right. maybe just another fight? it can't be. ] Why? What do you mean? Have you talked to him about it?

TEXT; BACKDATED TO MORNING OF MAY 16TH (DAY 36)

[squadgoals]

Andyr,

Effective immediately, I will be on a leave of extended absence from the Aquarium. Length estimate at this time is a minimum of 45 consecutive days (during the current 100-day cycle).

During this time, I won't be around actively to do my parts of the rota. I've tried to split them up amongst yourself and the staff a bit to compensate, but I do ask that no one touches the SCUBA equipment until I return.

I won't have TAB access for much longer, so let me know if you have any questions as soon as you can.

Best,
Shepard