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Yeah. Makes sense.

[ andyr can understand the sentiment, even if he wouldn't entirely agree with it. He thinks so little about 'future', where he is, half out of necessity, mostly out of fear. Even before the houses, andyr had been the type to want to go forward with memories, not dreams. Ronan isn't him, though, and different things keep him sane. ]

You know no one can really promise a future though, right? Adam might die before you, just choking on a potato chip or something stupid. Neither of you can control what's gonna happen. So maybe... call it a promise to try for a future. [ which is something the both of them desperately needs, Andyr thinks. With Ronan, so ready to proclaim everything already over all the time, and Adam, so frustrated with him for it, for good reason. ] So you got something that means you can't give up, and Adam knows you promised him not to.

[But this is absurd. He can't honestly propose to Adam. Already. In this place. With nothing to give him. With no way to actually marry him. Without his family here, without Gansey. No part of this is how he pictured it.

Adam would say it doesn't matter. Nothing will ever be as perfect as he wants it to be.]

It won't be a marriage without a priest. Without a church. How the fuck do I make that happen?

[ frowning, he's thinking over it, as if trying to remember is anyone had mentioned being some kind of clergy, or even catholic. Look, whether Ronan wants to do it or not, its best to know if you have everything that'd be required, right? No point considering it otherwise. ]

Well, a church is just a building, we could make that. The priest would be harder to find... [ well, a building that's been whatever kind of blessed, right? The priest could do the proclaiming it a sacred place thing. Hm. ]

The priest have to be Catholic? What's Adam? Not Catholic?

[God, Ronan almost answers.]

Nothing. I think. He doesn't like religion. I don't think it matters to him. But I'd want a Catholic. It doesn't feel like it'd be real otherwise.

[Ronan pushes up on his elbows.]

We're not seriously talking about this, are we?

[ andyr lifts a shoulder and drops it, stretching out a leg to push at Petra's side as she wobbled around near Ronan's head, likely to start trying to nibble at his ear soon. Don't be a pest, piss-monster. ]

Maybe. Doesn't hurt to know if you can or not, right?

[ besides, if andyr goes around asking for it, no one has to know that it's Ronan he's asking for, right? Andyr had more than one friend, and, theoretically, has more than one catholic friend. ]

[Ronan doesn't even notice. Thought he wouldn't mind a nibble.]

I guess, but... Jesus, I don't know. This is a lot.

[Not that he has the luxury of taking his time with this, considering the shortness of his lifespan.]

[ that's good, because after she realizes andyr's shoe isn't giving her tiny teeth much of a reaction, petra's going back to ronan's head and seeking out that defenseless ear.

meanwhile, andyr's mulling it all over, and eventually shrugs. ]

Kinda a big thing. You're right, you don't wanna do it lightly. But you asked how to get him to believe you, so... [ so, that's the best tactic andyr can think of. ]

I wish it didn't feel so much like giving up. I wanted... more, I guess.

[He feels that tickling at his ear and reaches back to idly scratch the top of Petra's head. Ronan's expression has gone distant, drifting into melancholy.]

I guess really I just wish I wasn't dying.

I know. [ andyr says quietly, sincerity in it. it isn't an easy thing to keep going when it feels so hopeless, and there's very little actually forcing ronan to do it here.

nothing outside of adam, that is, but the worse things are with adam, the harder it'll be for ronan to want to keep holding on. ]

That's the thing that's betraying him more than anything, though, you know? Giving up. Accepting you're gonna leave him. Doesn't matter how much you think you love someone, if you leave them without a fight, that's... [ andyr sighs, picking at a dull nail. ] How's anyone left behind supposed to look at that?

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