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[ andyr's been wanting to crawl into ronan's lap since the second he'd walked back into the room, and the hand that slips over his is like finally giving him permission. though he doesn't quiet clamor himself into ronan's lap, he does scoot forward, sitting with him sort of sideways, with the right side of his chest pressed to the left of ronan's, his arm looping over the front of him to tug him closer.

andyr's quiet a moment, listening to ronan speak, with his head laid on his shoulder, ear against the soft material of his shirt. honestly, he can't see how anyone couldn't love ronan, or adam, but andyr's particularly biased, when he feels the opposite about himself as well. it's funny, that way. ]

We're all so full of self-loathing, you think any of us would be in this if we were so much like each other? [ it's good that they're different. that ronan and adam are so stark in that. it means they clash a lot, yes, but andyr sees them as something beautiful in it. like the best kind of harmony and passion. they complete each other so perfectly. ]

I know. [ he sighs out, knowing the point ronan's trying to make. adam will decide for himself. ] I think Adam knows what what's going on and what he wants out of it more than any of us most days.

He does.

[Ronan has always had trouble getting a clear picture of what he wanted, and it was one of the biggest challenges in learning to control his power. First and foremost, the Greywaren has to know what he wants before it can manifest. Fear always held him back.

But Adam... Adam has had a drive in him since before Ronan met him, the kind of ambition that could get a man anything in the world. Every possible force had pushed against Adam and he'd smashed right through it, becoming a god in the process. He would have everything, inevitably.

The thought reminds him of Adam's order, the one he'd issued to Ronan before this chaos. Cupping a hand against Andyr's cheek, Ronan directs Andyr's lips to his own, kissing him softly.]

I'm supposed to tell you that he wants you for only the two of us. In case you didn't know. He wants you to be ours alone, and we're yours, and no one else can touch us.

[ the kiss is like solidity of forgiveness, and andyr melts into it, hand looping behind ronan's neck, with his thumb massaging gently. it ends too quickly, andyr wanting to just soak into ronan, lay there and try to pretend everything's alright for a few minutes.

what ronan brings up, instead, has andyr blinking at him, wide eyed and lost. ]

Like... exclusive? Like a relationship thing? [ the word you're thinking of, andyr, is boyfriends, but the syllables are hard to push past his lips. it's another kind of reality that feels too good to be true, like ronan, like his love for him, like all of this. clearly, he hadn't realized that's what adam meant either, but he's not about to argue it with ronan.

just, quietly, gently, smiles, a bit sad, because he's not sure adam will still be on board with that, after all this. ]

I can do that. If he still wants it.

[It makes Ronan feel just slightly better that Andyr doesn't seem to have understood that was Adam's intention, either. Somehow it's preferable for the both of them to have been hopelessly lost in this whole relationship business, rather than Ronan suffering as the idiot alone.]

I think he does.

[If Adam has been able to tolerate Ronan's violent urges for this long, he'll surely find a way to deal with Andyr's. And the three of them love each other so much, it seems impossible that one fight could end it. He hopes. He prays. (He really isn't sure.)

Ronan brushes a kiss over Andyr's forehead, then his cheek, then nuzzles him in reassurance.]

He's falling in love with you, too. I can feel it.

[ honestly, they're both idiots in that sense. maybe someday they'll get better at this dating people thing, but as it stands, poor adam is the only adult here.

even this is hard for andyr to process, even with ronan right here, showering him with affections, nuzzling in against him, and his own arms looped snug around him like the most natural thing in the world. it still baffles him, so much, thinking he's loved by anyone anymore. let alone people as sweet and kind and incredible as ronan and adam. ]

He barely knows anything about me.

[ if the shock of him hitting ronan today says anything about it. andyr can't deny he doesn't feel something similar for adam, but that's nothing new. he's always felt too much too fast. that's just his own flawed nature. adam's the one that's supposed to make sense. ]

You barely know anything about him.

[Which isn't a criticism, just... the way it is. And it doesn't seem to matter to Andyr, where Adam had come from and what he is. Ronan suspects Adam will feel the same for him. Falling for someone doesn't tend to require much background information.]

When he's ready, let him get to know you. Just you and him, without me in the way.

[Something tugs painfully at his heart as Ronan becomes aware he's urging someone else to fall in love with the boy he loves. He's still afraid he'll be left behind, one or both of them realizing they don't need him anymore. Another (more complicated) part of him thrills at the idea of Adam and Andyr loving each other as much as Ronan loves them. They'll be beautiful together, and they won't be alone when Ronan's gone.]

[ a moment passes, as andyr thinks on it, and he supposes, yes, that's true. he didn't know much about adam aside from how he's attached to ronan, and his personality he learned in quiet moments between the two of them. it wasn't his history he was so fond of, just his being. ronan's right, about that, as ronan tends to be.

about the latter, though, no. andyr frowns, looking over him, before adjusting his arms to squeeze around his middle, andyr pulling up close to him and tucking his face against his neck again - andyr's favorite space to nest. ]

You know we both hate being without you.

[ ronan's more a key part of all this than he knows. andyr isn't stupid, he gets what ronan wants to do. set them up comfortably with each other so they have something to fall back on. like he'd accused adam of doing with andyr and ronan at first. that will not ever make the loss of him any easier, and neither of them have any desire to be just the two of them without the integral part that ronan is. he should be there for all of it. ]

Right now you do.

[That's the whole point of spending time without him. Of course they'll feel his absence if they're used to his constant presence. It won't get easier until they have to go on without him and adjust to the feeling of each other, instead.]

But it's your choice.

We always will.

[ there won't be a time, Andyr thinks, that they won't miss Ronan, even if things go exactly how he wants them. If him and Adam have each other to love and support on another when Ronan goes, if they aren't alone in their grief. They'll still always love him, and always long for him. They'll just do so together.

And because of that, he doesn't want Ronan trying to ween then off of him. Nothing will make losing Ronan less devastating for the two of them, so better they just soak him up while they can. ]

Don't leave us any sooner than you have to. [ Andyr lifts his head, hands on Ronan's cheeks as he kisses him soft and slow. ]

[Ronan can't promise that, so he says nothing. He'll do whatever seems best, and it might mean ending his life even before the demon can consume him, to save Adam or any of the others. There's simply no telling at this point.

He can at least allow himself to keep loving Adam and Andyr until that day comes. He returns Andyr's kiss, pressing closer to him, his hand finding Andyr's heart. He couldn't bear being without the two of them. Not for any significant amount of time. Ronan only wants them to be prepared.]

[ he knows it's more complicated than that, and Andyr wouldn't blame Ronan for cutting it short, either to save a friend or skip the agony of it. All he wants, now, is to enjoy the time they have together. To fill his mind to the brim with beautiful memories of Ronan, like this, with his warm palm over andyr's heart, and andyr's arms around ronan's waist, tugging his body closer. He doesn't argue it any further. He and ronan already had that talk, a few million times over.

For a long few minutes, andyr's content to kiss him, deep and long and loving. Until a thought occurs, and he pauses, teeth tugging at his own lip and nerves build to bring up the subject. ]

Since we're not doing that rule anymore... does that mean me and you too? [ sex, that is. Making love in the way they'd felt the urge to since that first night in the tent. ] Not right now, I mean, but. You know.

[Ronan would never have expected that question, though it seems like he should have once Andyr raises it. His heart skips a beat at the thought. He wants to, of course. He's wanted it since that night. But all of the things that stood in his way then remain applicable now. He isn't married to Andyr.]

I'm saving myself.

[Maybe Andyr doesn't know.]

Adam hasn't... You know. No one's ever been inside me.

[Not for lack of trying. Ronan remains stubborn about it. But he's willing to give Andyr as much as he's given Adam, of course. That barrier's already broken, anyway.]

If you wanted me to, though, it... You should ask Adam if I'm allowed. I don't know.

[And he's run into a lot of trouble trying to guess what Adam's boundaries are.]

[ making ronan nervous is the last thing andyr wants, though he has his own jitters spiking through him, with the topic. they dance the words around it, like embarrassed kids, and really, they kind of are, but andyr strokes over ronan's cheek, shaking his head with a smile. ]

It's okay. We don't have to.

[ at all, not even an 'if you want me to', because it isn't about if one of them does and the other doesn't. either they both want it, or nothing. ]

If you want me to, I'll ask. [ he can brave adam's scathing wrath, thinks he can at least work with the fact that he's an idiot and entirely new to this whole dating thing to save some face. ] We don't have to do it like that, though. If you wanna save that for your wedding.

[ andyr doesn't have to be inside him, he means. ]

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