deconstruct | [SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

[Ronan looks up when Andyr enters the tent, but he doesn't move otherwise. This isn't particularly indicative of anything. Ronan has a tendency to strike a pose and hold it for too long. One of many just-slightly-unsettling details about him.]

I told Adam.

[That sounds deceptive. He clarifies:]

I told him I'd been with other people. He didn't want details.

[ it's nothing disturbing to andyr, though he tends to be the opposite - always needing to move, too much energy thrumming under his skin. if nothing else, ronan's stillness feels calming to him. ]

Yeah? So what'd he say?

[ for this, though, andyr's keeping himself busy, going through bags and piles and stashes of clothes and rations, pulling out cat food and water for petra. a gradual constant of movement.

he's not sure what he's afraid he'll hear, but it feels like holding his breath. ]

Edited 2016-12-26 05:01 (UTC)

That he loves me.

[Ronan scoffs when he says it. Not because he finds it disdainful, but because he can hardly believe it.]

That he'll always love me. That he'd do anything for me. He asked me if he was enough, as if... As if he'd done something wrong, like it was his fault I did this.

[ a smile pulls across andyr's face, impossibly relieved to hear adam had accepted him back. it hardly has any effect on andyr's day to day life, but he's still overjoyed for his friend, that ronan can still have that dream of a life with him. ]

I told you. Dumbass. [ though, it doesn't seem terribly healthy from adam to think he has any blame in this, but that's something that can be worked on. ]

So make it your job to convince him he's everything to you again.

Edited 2016-12-26 15:34 (UTC)

[Ronan sighs, unfolding to stretch his long limbs before flopping backwards onto the bed.]

How do you convince someone who's been unloved his whole life by everyone around him that you're the one person who's going to love him forever? Especially when you already failed him.

[ andyr's sat back against the tent wall, looking down at ronan a bit sideways from where he is, as he considers the issue at hand. a thought comes to mind, and after a moment or so, he offers it. ]

You're still a virgin, right? Give him that. [ sort of the ultimate surrendering of your body and soul. foreplay is hardly anything in comparison. ] That thing about 'you never forget your first' is true, you know.

[He'd thought about it. Especially when Adam asked what part of him was left untouched. But Ronan sighs, draping his arm across his eyes for a moment, pressing until he sees stars.]

I can't do it until we're married. If marrying me is something he even wants.

[ ....ah. A lot of Ronan's overreaction about this whole thing seems to make a lot more sense now, looking at it in the light of a belief in abstinence. Until he's married, hm. Any other time, andyr would likely say he's too young to be worrying about that, but there's the one glaring fact, that andyr comes back to with a soft voice. ]

Ronan, you're dying... [ not saying it as if that's something the boy isn't well aware of, just as something that needs to be considered in this. ] I'm not saying stop hoping, but... it's a miracle he ended up here at all. When you've got a deadline, there's not gonna be a perfect time.

Propose. Don't risk either of you having to die without getting to live that dream. [ because here, it's just as likely Adam could die before Ronan. If they want to be married, they should be. Virginity issue aside. ]

[Ronan pulls his arm away from his eyes. The cold reality of his impending death is easy to ignore when his dreams are temporarily suspended. But it's true: He is still being unmade. He will either die here or as soon as they return to their world.]

Marriage is supposed to be about a future. It doesn't feel fair, asking him for something I don't have. Just to get it over with. Just to feel like we had something. I don't know... I want him to be my husband, not my widower. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Makes sense.

[ andyr can understand the sentiment, even if he wouldn't entirely agree with it. He thinks so little about 'future', where he is, half out of necessity, mostly out of fear. Even before the houses, andyr had been the type to want to go forward with memories, not dreams. Ronan isn't him, though, and different things keep him sane. ]

You know no one can really promise a future though, right? Adam might die before you, just choking on a potato chip or something stupid. Neither of you can control what's gonna happen. So maybe... call it a promise to try for a future. [ which is something the both of them desperately needs, Andyr thinks. With Ronan, so ready to proclaim everything already over all the time, and Adam, so frustrated with him for it, for good reason. ] So you got something that means you can't give up, and Adam knows you promised him not to.

[But this is absurd. He can't honestly propose to Adam. Already. In this place. With nothing to give him. With no way to actually marry him. Without his family here, without Gansey. No part of this is how he pictured it.

Adam would say it doesn't matter. Nothing will ever be as perfect as he wants it to be.]

It won't be a marriage without a priest. Without a church. How the fuck do I make that happen?

[ frowning, he's thinking over it, as if trying to remember is anyone had mentioned being some kind of clergy, or even catholic. Look, whether Ronan wants to do it or not, its best to know if you have everything that'd be required, right? No point considering it otherwise. ]

Well, a church is just a building, we could make that. The priest would be harder to find... [ well, a building that's been whatever kind of blessed, right? The priest could do the proclaiming it a sacred place thing. Hm. ]

The priest have to be Catholic? What's Adam? Not Catholic?

[God, Ronan almost answers.]

Nothing. I think. He doesn't like religion. I don't think it matters to him. But I'd want a Catholic. It doesn't feel like it'd be real otherwise.

[Ronan pushes up on his elbows.]

We're not seriously talking about this, are we?

[ andyr lifts a shoulder and drops it, stretching out a leg to push at Petra's side as she wobbled around near Ronan's head, likely to start trying to nibble at his ear soon. Don't be a pest, piss-monster. ]

Maybe. Doesn't hurt to know if you can or not, right?

[ besides, if andyr goes around asking for it, no one has to know that it's Ronan he's asking for, right? Andyr had more than one friend, and, theoretically, has more than one catholic friend. ]

[Ronan doesn't even notice. Thought he wouldn't mind a nibble.]

I guess, but... Jesus, I don't know. This is a lot.

[Not that he has the luxury of taking his time with this, considering the shortness of his lifespan.]

[ that's good, because after she realizes andyr's shoe isn't giving her tiny teeth much of a reaction, petra's going back to ronan's head and seeking out that defenseless ear.

meanwhile, andyr's mulling it all over, and eventually shrugs. ]

Kinda a big thing. You're right, you don't wanna do it lightly. But you asked how to get him to believe you, so... [ so, that's the best tactic andyr can think of. ]

I wish it didn't feel so much like giving up. I wanted... more, I guess.

[He feels that tickling at his ear and reaches back to idly scratch the top of Petra's head. Ronan's expression has gone distant, drifting into melancholy.]

I guess really I just wish I wasn't dying.

I know. [ andyr says quietly, sincerity in it. it isn't an easy thing to keep going when it feels so hopeless, and there's very little actually forcing ronan to do it here.

nothing outside of adam, that is, but the worse things are with adam, the harder it'll be for ronan to want to keep holding on. ]

That's the thing that's betraying him more than anything, though, you know? Giving up. Accepting you're gonna leave him. Doesn't matter how much you think you love someone, if you leave them without a fight, that's... [ andyr sighs, picking at a dull nail. ] How's anyone left behind supposed to look at that?

[SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject