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we can always talk

where?

outside by the bmw?

[FUCK THE CAVES AND THE TOWER.]

[ this is a talk he's not going to like, isn't it? it already feels like it. but whatever, he's going, because he'll go basically any time ronan asks for him. ]

sure. on my way.

[ anxiety building as he's on his way up from the complex, andyr already feels like a bundle of nerves by the time he gets to ronan's car. maybe someone told him about what happened on level two. maybe kavinsky mentioned the gift he gave him in thanks. maybe a number of things. regardless, he keeps his mouth shut on all of them, just tipping his chin up to him as he approaches. ]

Hey. What's up?

[Ronan's leaning against the hood of the car when Andyr finds him, anxiously toying with his bracelets. He looks up as Andyr approaches, his expression complicated. He's not sure how he should be feeling right now, half-heartbroken and half-relieved. That he's so uncertain probably means that Adam was right to push him away.]

If I ask you something, will you answer honestly? Don't try to spare me or some bullshit.

[ ah. it is going to be a complicated talk. stuffing his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie, shifting from one foot to the other in a way he doesn't mean to make so nervous seeming. ronan, at least, isn't angry, but he doesn't exactly give a lot of tells for mood shifts. in the end, andyr swallows, and nods once. ]

Yeah. Of course.

[Ronan fixes his eyes on Andyr, watching his reaction closely.]

Do you want to be with me?

[ andyr blinks at him, a little dumbly, as if waiting for something else to be connected to that. an explanation somewhere. it isn't what he'd expected to hear, and he's still waiting for the other shoe to drop, something like 'because your crazy ass isn't even going to be my friend if you keep putting heads on sticks and making intestine necklaces'. but it's only that, and andyr's left with brows knit, lips parted as he tries to wrap his mind around why this question is coming up at all. ]

What do you mean? Like... before? [ before Adam got here. he's not even totally sure he'd call that 'with', but that's the frame of reference. ]

Edited 2017-01-30 03:32 (UTC)

[Ronan would hardly be inclined to dump a friend over a little violent insanity, considering all the horrible shit he's done himself. But he's blissfully ignorant of all that, anyway. The matter is much more personal.]

Like before. Or more than that. I don't know.

[ 'friends' is a thing very new to andyr, and unfortunately, so is 'being with' people. or being more than being with people. he's not sure what the definitions pertain to and what the rules of those are, but as far as things he'd hypothetically want, goes - ]

Well, yeah. Thought that was obvious. [ what with the whole crawling straight into his hospital bed with him thing. except... ] And also irrelevant.

[ because adam. right? you're remembering adam, ronan? ] You're not trying to say sorry again, are you?

Not yet. Maybe in a few minutes.

[He honestly has no idea how Andyr will react to Adam's proposal. Is this even a thing people do? Ronan sighs, pushing off the hood of the car to step closer to Andyr.]

Adam told me he doesn't want to keep me away from you.

[ it takes him another few seconds to wrap his head around that as well, but the conclusion he comes to is less a both thing, and more that adam had broken up with him, thinking he'd done him a favor. his head shakes, an immediate surge of frustration in him for adam, after they'd just had ronan near kill himself a few weeks ago, and he pulls this? who does he think he's helping? ]

That kid, I swear. He'd throw himself off a cliff if he thought it'd save you a splinter. [ andyr snorts, mind already on how to fix whatever teenage fuck up this is. just get together and stay together and be happy, you idiots. ] I'll disappear if you need me to. They said they're taking us to a city, so it won't be that hard.

[Ronan shakes his head. He had jumped to the same conclusion, when Adam first brought it up. And maybe Adam still intends to leave him once he's secure in the feeling that Ronan won't try to kill himself again. But he had asked for Ronan's faith, so here is Ronan's faith.]

He wants me to be with him and he wants me to be with you. I told him I wasn't sure you'd be into that.

[ it seems, after each new thing ronan says, andyr ends up more confused, because that hardly makes sense either. would he be into it, yes, he'd been into it to begin with, when he'd known ronan wasn't his to be getting so intimate with in the first place. but that's still not something that can happen, because there's no way adam actually believes that'll be good for them. ]

He has to be lying. You two just finished getting over this.

That's what I thought, too. But he asked me to believe him. He said he finds it sexy, the idea of it. If you ask me, I think it just makes it easier on him. It scares him to think he's the only thing keeping me alive, so he wants you there to catch me if I fall. He's not going to say that, though. He'll never admit I'm a burden to him, even if it's true.

You can say no to this. All I told him is that I would ask.

[ on the one hand, andyr knows it isn't unheard of for people to get pleasure off of seeing their loved ones being physical with someone else. for living in a place that was half a whore house every other day, he knows that, at least. but adam doesn't seem like one of those, not in the least. andyr opens his mouth to say as much, but here's ronan trying to give him an out, and before adam's whole bundle of issues, he's addressing that first, a hand reaching out to catch at his forearm. ]

Hey. You're not a burden to me, ever, and I don't need to be making out with you to know I'll be there to catch you either way. [ whether ronan wants him there or not, and whether it'll actually say him or not. ] I'm not saying no, I'm just...

If it's something he actually wants, he won't mind telling me too, will he? [ we're going on a field trip, ronan, because one of your boyfriends thinks the other boyfriend is full of shit. and also that ronan himself is an idiot for thinking adam wouldn't do the exact same thing if it was ronan's body he found instead. ]

[Ronan shrugs. He doesn't know what Adam will or won't mind anymore. He doesn't know anything. The only conclusion he's been able to reach is that, after they made love, Adam realized he didn't want Ronan at all. But now they've gone too far for him to simply leave. The fear is reasonable, considering Ronan's barely recovered from his suicide attempt.]

Ask him, I guess.

[ there's such a clear pain in him and andyr aches with a want to fix it. He knows the only one who can is Adam, and despite his typical want to stay out of other people's social problems, the two of them have become a bit too important to him by this point. He does, though, stop and tug Ronan into a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek shortly. ]

It'll be fine. You're just both being idiots again. [ words of love, by andyr prince. ] Come on. Let's go fix it.

[ andyr's hand tugs at Ronan's wrist, pulling him back towards the central building everyone's camped out in. ]

[Thank God for Andyr. Ronan leans into that hug, his shoulders dropping a few inches, and he gives a slight nod. Yeah, maybe they're just being idiots. It's not like he has any idea what he's doing.]

He's not far.

[Though it's Andyr tugging Ronan along at first, Ronan eventually takes the lead, and they find Adam exactly where he'd left him.]

[ The bath/spa room was still there and still a secret. Now, though, Adam had dressed, sitting on the clean tile near the water and trying not to think too much about what he's done. He knows it's best that Ronan deserves everything in the world he wants. Adam sort of wishes that he hadn't brought it up right after making love but that conversation was one he had already planned and the lovemaking had not been so planned.

He's kind of sore too not that he'll complain because it's not a bad feeling. His thoughts wander until he hears Ronan returning with Andyr. He doesn't say much but glance at them both in greeting.

Ronan might be rubbing off on him in more ways than one. ]

[ andyr drops ronan's hand before they enter the secret room, though, stepping in, he has to take a moment to lift his eyes up and skim around, a bit taken in wonder. ronan must have created this place for him and adam, and he feels wrong being here, but he supposes, that's the issue they're here for entirely.

focus return to adam, sitting stoic by the water, andyr crosses to him, crouching down in front of him and watching him for a second before he speaks, quiet, though he suspects there isn't enough white noise in the room for ronan not to hear either way. ]

I know you think you're helping, but this is killing him. [ metaphorically, mostly. maybe not the best choice of words, but such are conversations with andyr, master wordsmith. ] He wants you. He's only ever wanted you. Lying to him about crap like this just gives him blanks to fill in with his self loathing.

[ Adam's expression only flickers for a moment when Andyr is in front of him, talking low but there's little chance that Ronan can't hear which makes it even more difficult for Adam to answer. He swallows hard, carefully choosing his words. ]

He knows I know that and that I love him and that nothing there is changing. [ At least, he'd tried to make sure Ronan knew that... ]

He wants me but he wants you too. [ I saw it, is the part he leaves out. He looks at Ronan. ] I'm not lying when I tell him I want him to have everything he wants. And he wasn't lying when he talked about you. So don't lecture me. [ He can get to the actual lies later that he thinks it's hot to think about them together, okay. ]

[ he's mentioning specifics, and andyr squints at him, like he's looking for the cracks there, feeling like there's things omitted. not saying something is different than lying, isn't it? he knows ronan doesn't have him in it to be dishonest, but people like andyr and adam do. ]

Then why does he think this is an exit strategy?

[ sorry, ronan, giving away your fears, but it's important. and you're goddamn right he's going to lecture, for as long as he thinks someone's being full of shit, one of them or both of them. ] What do you seriously think this'll help?

Because he's stupid. [ Adam says, glancing toward Ronan. ] And he doesn't have as much faith in me as he wishes he did.

It'll help everyone. [ By everyone, he means Andyr and Ronan. ]

Edited 2017-01-30 13:53 (UTC)

He wouldn't be asking at all if he didn't have faith in you. [ there's a difference between fears and having faith, and one doesn't negate the other. It's andyr here that doesn't have faith in Adam. ] And if it turns out you are lying, that faith's never going to be as strong as it was.

[ Adam's asking him to go against his better judgment in faith of him, and if Adam proves him wrong in that, it sets a precedent. But adam's refusing to budge, so maybe the reality of it will be more convincing. ]

So if it's everybody, then everybody does it, or no one at all. [ Adam joins them or nothing, he means. ] Are you good with that, Ronan?

[Ronan remains in the doorway, unmoving. He listens to this exchange without a single shift in his expression, and when Andyr finally addresses him, Ronan's gaze settles on Adam.]

Yes.

a unicorn 8O!

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