deconstruct | [SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

[Something flutters painfully near Ronan's heart. It might be the relief of discovering he still matters to Adam. He tries to ignore it, because he should have known it already.]

Okay.

[ Adam is worried still he'll hurt Andyr somehow in this so he squeezes his hand before letting go, exhaling heavily. ]

What we did earlier...that... that can just be ours? [ He feels guilty, it feels like something big to deny from Andyr. ]

[Ronan nods, grateful. It shouldn't matter anymore, really. His virginity's already lost. He's just not sure he's ready to do it again, or often, or with anyone other than Adam. That Adam doesn't want him to do it, either, must mean it had significance to him, too.]

It should be ours, yeah.

[ andyr's hardly hurt by it, really more relieved that they're able to find a balance in this that suits them. this thing doesn't need to be completely equal, because they aren't all here for the same reasons. the base of this entire thing is their love, and that should stay sacred. ]

It should be. [ andyr agrees, glancing between them to reassure, yes, he's fine, he doesn't need it to be with you both. ] That belongs with the two of you.

[ Adam feels relieved that that's the response Andyr has for it, that Ronan agrees too. It felt selfish to ask but it's honest if nothing else. ]

Well, Ronan, was right about you needing a bath.

[Blood pressure returning to normal, Ronan's shoulders sink a bit as the tension leaves them. Adam and Andyr are talking, finally. To each other. And they kissed. Adam's lips on Andyr's. The memory leaves Ronan with butterflies in his stomach.

As if on cue, Ronan peels off his clingy shirt, dropping it onto the pile of wet clothes he's already shed. He looks from Adam to Andyr, saying nothing but quirking an eyebrow.]

[ andyr's brows slowly arch to adam in the sort of 'oh really, motherfucker?' expression that generally leads to mischief, especially when combined on the slow smirk that spreads over his lips, as he leans to the side to whisper mock-conspiratorial at adam's shoulder. ]

The way I see it, the only one here who hasn't had a bath yet, is you. [ with no further warning, he'll be snatching adam's scrawny self up in his arms, and marching him straight towards the pool, though thankfully not tossing him like he had ronan. instead, just sitting himself directly down, and sinking them both in, straight to the bottom. whatever part of andyr was left dry before is no longer. ]

[ Adam didn't have time to finish his thought about being uncertain about getting in the bath with Andyr, as he quickly saw that being what's going to happen when Ronan's shirt is added to the pile of wet clothes he'd got out of.

There's no time to think at all because Andyr had already grabbed him and they both sunk down into the bath that was just the right temperature, the same as it had been when Ronan first made it. the water stings on his knuckles but he laughs and slips free of Andyr's hold after that, turning to look at Ronan. ]

Joining us?

[Adam's laughing. The sound instantly brightens Ronan's face, drawing out a laugh of his own. He's so fucking relieved.

Ronan doesn't bother wasting time to remove his jeans. He instantly steps forward when prompted, obediently climbing into the water beside Adam. He reaches for the hem of Adam's now-soaked shirt, not to tug it off but to merely hold onto it for now.

With his other hand, he hooks a finger under the waistband of Andyr's jeans, drawing him closer.]

You nerds.

[ andyr feels full to bursting, everything fitting in just right, everyone finding a place with each other. Adam feels right in his arms and his laughter is a beautiful thing. Ronan's smiling like the sun again and andyr can't help grinning back, all toothy and boyish.

Flopping back against Ronan as he tugs at his jeans, andyr's content to rest against his chest for a moment, sighing out, before tugging at the hem of his hoodie. The garment comes off, along with the shirt underneath it, both tossed to the side, leaving the ports imbedded down the length of his spine in clear view. It occurs to him Adam hasn't seen them, but he makes no motion to hide it. ]

Like you aren't one too.

[ There's uncertainty for a moment as he sees Andyr pulling off his hoodie and shirt. He's both drawn to staring and feeling a hesitant shyness about looking at him. He drops his eyes after taking in the view of him, ports that he didn't really understand what they could be but Adam being Adam wouldn't ask.

He shifts so he can pepper a light kiss on Ronan's lips. He's glad there's peace and he takes a brief moment to soak in Ronan, cupping his cheek briefly before dividing his attention again to the both of them. ]

[Ronan is immensely grateful for Adam's kiss, soft and fleeting though it is. He has hope, at least, that not too much damage was done. Adam's laughter and his affection work to dispel those earlier worries. Here they are, the three of them, learning to fall in love with each other.

His attention follows Adam's back to Andyr and that sculpted body of his. It occurs to Ronan that Adam's probably never seen Andyr this bare before, his thoughts not on the ports but on the perfection of his musculature. Ronan is always a bit insecure about his build around Andyr, even though he's no flabby weakling himself, and that feeling doubles with Adam's gaze on him, too.]

Now you're just showing off.

[ had Adam wanted to ask, andyr would feel fine with telling him, but it's not a great story for the present moment. Not when they're all full of joy and everything's all new and nervous and exciting. Instead, he can feel the eyes in his body, and Ronan makes no secret of it, with the commentary, pulling a sharp laugh from andyr, as he splashes a bit of water up at him. ]

Aw, what happened to 'I can throw you off a cliff', huh? [ reaching for him, andyr pinches at Ronan's stomach, fingers lingering over his abs, pressing a kiss to his cheek. ] Don't cry, you're still gorgeous.

[ leaning over, the other hand hooks behind Adam's neck, tugging him forward for another kiss, less careful, but still sweet and slow. ] So are you.

[ Adam watches that exchange and it's not painful anymore. Something had shaken into place and he's happy even if it took a ridiculous extent to get it there. Even if he'd lost his temper in the process. Both Andyr and Ronan are gorgeous, bodies toned and just right for tempting him. It's not that he's not muscular but he's far more lithe, his muscles more practical than sculpted in a way, more so his arms being strong than defined abs or chest.

But he doesn't feel inadequate somehow -- especially when Andyr leans in, pulling him into another kiss. He feels wanted again and he doesn't immediately not believe Andyr. ]

You too. [ Because it's true. Later, maybe, he'd want to run his hands over the other's chest and stomach but he can't find it in himself to do that yet, to touch him in a way he'd never touched anyone else but Ronan. That would be too much too soon.

But he can definitely enjoy the view. ]

[Ronan's heart skips a beat when Andyr kisses Adam again. It's such a strange feeling to have, a something else in the place where he would have expected anxiety or jealousy. Ronan's beginning to think Adam understood something about him that he didn't see for himself. Whether or not it's a defect, he can't say for sure.

His mouth finds Andyr's shoulder, laying a kiss of gratitude there. He's so shamefully happy to feel Andyr's bare skin against his lips again. He shouldn't have missed this as much as he did. He's beginning to think he'd fallen in deeper love with Andyr than he'd realized, only figuring it out now that a months-long ache is finally subsiding.

Ronan's hand is still twisted up in the hem of Adam's shirt, and now his fingers gradually release it, sliding under the fabric, his palm gliding along Adam's hip and around to the small of his back. He wants to keep Adam close to them.]

[ kissing adam, with the warmth of ronan so close at his side, pressing lips to his shoulder, feels like more simple goodness in his world than andyr quite knows how to process and accept. his fingers curl in adam's wet hair, the other hand on ronan's stomach curve over his side, squeezing as if he needs to hold him still and present. the entire argument, he'd been more focused on the two of them, trying to find a middle ground, a place that the two of them could accept, that it hadn't really occurred to him what these boys are unknowingly stepping into in pulling andyr into their love life. ronan hadn't been through the mood swings steve had, or gained any of the gashes or bruises from being too close while andyr was too lost in his head. even so, just a while ago, he'd been talking to this boy he loves like he'd been dirt. ]

I'm not good at this. [ admitted quietly, as he pulls back from adam, tilting to glance back at ronan as well. he likely understands more of why, where he'd come from and how different all of this is to him. even the darkness of this planet still held an odd civility to it that still feels like it doesn't quite fit his skin. ] Peace, quiet.

Having people that matter. [ people to care about hurting, and the both of these boys are so, so fragile. adam had brought up one thing at the wrong timing. andyr's told people they're better off killing themselves than wasting air with their worthlessness, when in a particularly bad mood. ]

[ Adam feels his pulse quicken at Ronan's hand slipping under his shirt, his touch welcome and he smiles as he relaxes even further. He looks at Andyr when he pulls back, thinking of what he said and in a way he can understand, maybe from different perspectives but this... peace, quiet... something safe and kind. Ronan has been the first person to ever provided him with a feeling of safety.

Adam's not good at this life either. He never exactly had an example or much exposure to it. ]

I'm not that good at it either. [ He'd been looking out for himself for a long time it's only in the last year or so that he had become friends with Gansey and the others and then fallen in love with Ronan. ]

[Ronan is so unlike either of them. His problems are the opposite sort: He is spoiled and unduly adored by almost everyone who comes into contact with him, even those he abuses. He was born into immense wealth and was never lacking in love. He always had everything he could ever want, and only recently did he lose it all.

Maybe that's why both statements sound like bullshit to him.]

It's not calculus or football, you guys. There's nothing to get "good" at.

[In the emotional sense, anyway. Ronan's still pretty sure his lovemaking could use some work. But on the topic at hand, which is the capability of love, it's so obvious to him that both of these beautiful boys know exactly what they're doing. After all, they've managed to wrangle him this far while he opposed violently, kicking and screaming at every turn.

He brushes another kiss over Andyr's skin.]

Everyone's a disaster sometimes. But you... You're like a hurricane. Your peace and quiet's hidden away in the center of you, and maybe people have to go through a lotta shit to get there and find it, but it's worth it. Because this is what's waiting there.

And you -

[He turns to Adam, pressing a kiss to his temple.]

Magician, you wouldn't be what you are if you weren't perfect at love. Stupid fights and everything else don't matter as long as you've got what's in you. Think of everything you've given up and tell me that isn't perfect love. Who the fuck else would have done what you did?

[Not one of them threw themselves down as the sacrifice. Only Adam.]

I swear, it's like you guys think life's supposed to be a rom-com. The truth is, we're in a horror story and we managed to make a miracle happen. That's pretty fucking good.

[ adam's a gentle, serene thing, and it aches in andyr to think he'd come from a violent life. a hand reaches up to stroke over his cheek, expression fond, but that, even more so, makes him think it's a danger to have himself so close.

the things ronan tells him, god, he's such a burning light at the center of him, and andyr just wants to wrap himself up against him and soak all of that affection and promise up. there's a smile that's painfully honest on his lips, and andyr almost lets it go. doesn't correct the assumption that it's just that it's difficult, not that it's dangerous. he leans in, kissing ronan sound, with a gratitude in the motion, and a bump of the tip of his nose to his, smile soft. ] I love who I am when I'm with you.

[ but, even more so with how incredible the two of them are, he has to make sure they understand, voice coming out quiet, but clear and coherent. ]

It's taken three different military specialists and a superhero to train me out of strangling anyone who touches me without asking.

[ it isn't just awkwardness and restlessness. it's six years of untreated ptsd, that's had constant reinforcement towards the bad end reactions. and he's had about five or six months worth of actual working on it, only a couple weeks since our last incident. ]

Edited 2017-02-02 17:07 (UTC)

[ In some cases, Adam might have argued with Ronan. He's not sure it was love that made him do that. It was the logical conclusion that no one else could possibly understand what sacrifice really meant because none of them had needed to sacrifice something before. He'd been uniquely qualified to give himself over. There hadn't been any question or hesitation but his choice had been logical not emotional.

But it's now being used to argue how he knows how to love and well, he doesn't want to argue with Ronan, not now that anyone would have if they had understood what it was they needed to do. He smiles just a little at Andyr and Ronan's affection and it's still a wonder that it doesn't hurt like it did before.

The explanation from Andyr is one that if Adam were always utterly truthful with everyone much less himself made him nervous. But he didn't think that Andyr is a danger to Ronan and therefore he couldn't be a danger to him. Ronan would never let Adam be in an uncessary dangerous position. ]

No one here's going to do anything you don't allow. [ Because that is a concept important to Adam too, one that he's still trying to undo years of damage caused by things being done to him he didn't want. Maybe not nearly to the violent extent of Andyr but still. ]

[Ronan isn't under any illusions about either of them. In fact, he thinks he might see a truth that neither of them are capable of seeing in themselves. He kisses Andyr tenderly in return, sweeping a hand through his hair. He has seen Andyr's temper, and even if it was only a glimpse, he understands what danger could be lurking there. It simply doesn't worry him.]

Adam's right. You're in control here.

[Adam is also right in thinking that Ronan would never let Andyr touch him if there was a risk involved in it. But in all the nights they spent together, Andyr was never anything but gentle and caring with Ronan.

Subtly, he massages a reassuring circle over Adam's back. If Adam could love someone as violent as him, then he can surely love Andyr. But he hopes Adam understands that he's safe, too.]

[ they're both quick to reassure him, and there's an shade of self-consciousness in andyr, thinking he'd accidentally seemed more scared of that prospect - things not allowed - than he'd like to let on. true, in many ways, but not with them. he'd have never gotten this far if he'd been worried about that with them, and he wants to make sure they know that. ]

I know. I trust you both.

[ but that hasn't always mattered in the past. accidents, back on the moira. steve showing up unexpectedly or slipping. trying to grab him when he'd been about to lose it on someone over a word spoken or a suggestion that struck too close to home, and there'd either be him gasping for air or bleeding a moment later.

but ronan has seen one of those instances - he'd seen andyr ready to kill kavinsky over a half choked out joke, and he still remembers looking to him and seeing him in shock, ready to bolt. if nothing else, that means he understands the weight of it, and the fact they have a bull in a china shop if something flicks that switch in his head again. and still, ronan wants him around them, wants him to be able to put his hands on adam, the most treasured thing he has. if he's allowing that, inviting it, even, andyr has to believe he's considered it and decided it's manageable. thus, he should shut up and work on being worthy of that faith. ]

I trust you. [ repeated in a mutter, as he leans in again to press his forehead to ronan's, the hand at adam's cheek stroking down the back of his neck, thumb massaging at his spine. he'll give them all that he can, in whatever way that he can. ]

[ Adam can't help the logical part of his brain that does doubleback and worry over this a bit, not knowing the details of things left a lot to his imagination of dangers that could come up. But he leans on his trust in Ronan as much as he can and it's enough to keep him from thinking it's anything all that serious. And he knows that Andyr has Ronan's best interests in mind and Ronan has Adam's.

That's enough. If he trusts Ronan, he trusts Andyr.

The subtlties of the affections from both of them starts to get a bit overwhelming for him. He's used to it from one source and even then sometimes he's not sure what to do with all the affection that Ronan has for him even though he craves it. He feels inadequate to give it all back.

Instead of worrying over it, he breaks the seriousness of the exchange. ]

You still stink, Andyr.

[Ronan had been just about ready to kiss Andyr again when Adam makes that remark, and he laughs instead, drawing back. This seems like it might be leading somewhere, so Ronan drops his hands away from the both of them to give them some space.]

Adam's right. It's not miracle water. You can't just sit in it and marinate.

[He floats lazily to the other side of the pool, toward the collection of oils and soaps in bottles that look like they originated somewhere in a storybook version of Arabia. He forgets what each of them was meant to be, so he sniffs a few of them in turn.]

We have lavender... lemon... myrrh... bubblegum...

[ adam's teasing pulls an abrupt laugh from him, and as ronan pulls away, andyr turns to bonk his forehead light to adam's, face scrunched up in mock-offense. ]

Never satisfied, huh?

[ sinking back, he dunks himself underwater again, hands scrubbing at his hair, and pushing it back out of his face when he rising back up. he still had boxers on under his jeans, and those he plans on keeping on unless adam wants them off, but for the sake of having an actual bath, he's tugging at the closer on his pants, and squirming his way out of the wet denim, clinging to his hips and legs. ]

You're the ones that'll have to smell me, so it's your pick. All I'm vetoing is bubblegum.

[ because smelling like food seems weird to him. let's not. also, ronan's getting a stream of bath water spat at his back. because andyr is a child. ]

[SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)