deconstruct | [SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

can I ask you for something and it stay between us?

you know im bad at keeping secrets

[ he's bad at keeping ronan's secrets from adam, and vice versa. it makes him feel like more of a wedge between them, being something withholding. but he also wants to be someone adam can trust for help. ]

what do you need?

I really... need you to not tell anyone.

[ There's a long pause, Adam getting someone in the shop before he returns to send another message. ]

do you think... if I wanted you to hurt me, could you do that?

[ um. immediately deeply uncomfortable. why would adam ask him this?? ]

hurt you how?

why?

I haven't figured that out yet.

I need you to. I just know I need you to.

maybe... A little rough in the bedroom sort of thing? Biting... Less holding back.

I know I shouldn't be asking.

[he feels guilty but he trusts Andyr too. He trusts him to listen... To take care of him and to let Adam ultimately control if it's agreed to.]

are you sure youll be okay with that? i dont want you to be afraid of me

you can ask me anything

[ he understands why he didn't go to ronan with this. and why he doesn't want ronan knowing. ]

I promise I'll be okay. just... don't hit me or keep me from moving my arms and it'll be okay. I'll tell you if it's not and you'd stop. I trust you.

okay. i believe you. we should talk more about whats ok and whats not. are you coming home soon?

i miss you, adam

I'll come home and shower and see you. My room?

I miss you too. I'm trying...

[ trying to be better but just feeling like he's drowning. ]

[ Adam would have just slept at the shop if it hadn't been for Andyr agreeing. As it was, he still came home rather late, making a point to avoid running into anyone as he grabs a shower after texting Andyr to meet him in his room in a few minutes, that he was home.

After the shower, he changes clothes, just a tank top and sweatpants and he knew neither would be on for very long. He chews on his lip feeling nervous and anticipating too. He knows that he needs this, he hopes that he's not been too unfair to andyr to ask this of him, to tell him he needs it even if it's true.

Would Andyr resent him somehow later? He exhales heavily as he slips into his room, closing the door and smiling just slightly when he sees Andyr there like he's asked him to be. He locks the door behind himself, just in case. ]

Hey. [ It comes out soft and he sits on the edge of the bed. ]

[ andyr's settled on adam's bed, in a pair of pajama pants and a loose shirt, when he gets out of the shower, legs folded and hands laid in his lap, eyes staring at the lines in his palms distantly, until the door cracks open and adam walks in.

for a still moment, he's watching him, something scared and yearning and eager in his eyes, before he pushes up from the mattress, and crosses over to his lover. before anything else is said, or the subject at hand is brought up, it's important to andyr that adam knows he has his love and his trust, pulling the boy into his arms, against his chest, and kissing him softly for a passing moment or so. ]

Hey. Welcome home.

[ because it is home, and when adam's gone from it, that's a part of andyr's home that's missing. having him here makes it feel whole again. ]

[ Adam exhales when he feels the other's arm sliding around him, pulling him close. It's a wave of comfort and affection that he hadn't been expecting to feel for some reason but it's there. He tilts his head to kiss Andyr back open to this soft and gentle moment especially after what he's asked. he doesn't pull away from him, tucking his face against the side of his neck after they part from the kiss. ]

I'm sorry... [ Even though being welcomed home perhaps shouldn't necessarily prompt an apology he knows that his tendency to pull away when he's hurting or stressed isn't the most productive and that he ends up messing things up more probably by doing that.

It doesn't really help anyone.

He presses soft kisses to the other's neck as if furthering his apology in the soft touches of his lips. ]

Nothing to be sorry for. [ Andyr murmurs, lips pressed against adam's hair, arms squeezing him tight. he hadn't asked for something gentle like this, but andyr can't help himself, wanting to bundle adam up against him and soothe all that's hurt in him.

but he'd asked him, and andyr intends to provide for him, crouching some to hook his arms around adam's hips instead, and then lifting him, so adam's legs can wrap around his waist, carrying him over to the bed he'd just gotten up from.

they settle there, adam in andyr's lap, and he kisses against his cheek a couple more times, before asking, quietly. ] We can do this. It's okay to ask, but I need to know how much is okay. You said biting - how hard? What if there's blood?

[Adam's not sure he believes that there's nothing to be sorry for, but then again asking for anything has never been his strong suit.

Andyr is strong and it is blatantly clear in the moment the other picks him up, he wraps his legs around his waist, arms around him as well. It's still gentle there the soft presses of lips against his cheek, the warmth of Andyr so close to him.

He doesn't answer immediately because the question deserves thought and not a reckless answer.]

I think blood is okay, if... I'll tell you if something's too much. [He tilts his head meeting the others gaze and his stomach is a coiling mess of desire and apprehension and need to purge of something, anything.] anything that happens, I'll tell you. I promise.

[ andyr holds adam's thinner frame tight to him, arms gentle as they wrap around and cradle him, and body curved to hold him tenderly into the set of him. fingertips brush over adam's cheek, and andyr's lips still dot along the side of his face, broad shoulders wanting to envelope him.

he knows the need for this sort of thing, but it doesn't make him any less terrified of going too far and hurting adam, or scaring him. he'll have to be careful, so, so careful. ]

All you have to do is say it, okay? [ 'stop', or 'wait'. or 'harder' or 'more'. andyr's resolved to be anything adam needs right now. ] Just tell me what to do. I'll take care of you, promise.

[ still careful and slow, andyr eases them, laying adam's back against the comforter spread over the mattress beneath them, his body following to blanket over him. ]

[ Adam doesn't quite trust himself but he knows that he trusts Andyr and that's enough here right now. He looks up at him as he feels the bed firm beneath him and the weight of Andyr over him. He feels his heart squeeze with unspoken feelings that aren't exactly a new thing with Andyr but he feels them rushing to the surface.

He nods his understanding of the words and he reaches up to thread his fingers into the back of the other's hair pulling him down to kiss him firmly and sealing this agreement between them with a kiss. He knows that Andyr is probably afraid, he's seen Adam shut down before but this is different.

Adam thinks this is an easier way to start, with his mouth, with his thighs parted to press against Andyr's hips. His hands slide down the other's back, careful of where not to touch as he curls his fingers along the edge of his shirt to pull it up so it could be tossed aside. ]

[ andyr inhales, a deep rush of air as his lungs expand against his ribs, working himself up to this, to trying to let go, but only just so. even if adam wants him to be rough, he's still so human and so delicate. alva was the only one andyr had ever been able to truly fall into with complete abandon.

still, the thought of it dances through his mind, and as he kisses adam deep and firm, his fingers tighten against adam's, not enough to hurt or restrain, but something with force behind it. with a parting squeeze, sentimental and loving, andyr leans up just long enough to help adam tug his shirt up and off, tossed to the side, and his hands go to adam's thighs, giving him a sharp tug back, so that his ass slots against andyr's crotch, cock a hard line through his sweat pants, already wanting him.

strong hands moving up, he slides over adam's slender hips, gripping hard at him, and along his ribs, up his chest, until his fingers can curl into the collar of his undershirt. with a sharp rip, the garment tears, shredded down the center, and left for the tattered halves to lay folded open to adam's sides. he'll buy you a new one later, adam. ]

[ Adam knows that Andyr can never fully let go, not really, but there's a way that Andyr's always touched him that feels less careful, that's open and reckless. Adam already trusts him not to go too far everyday, even though he's seen parts of what Andyr is capable of. He can still taste him on his lips as they part to get rid of the shirt. A gasp slips past his lips when Andyr pulls him, feeling the hot and hard press of the other's cock against him and a sense of satisfaction at being wanted by this incredible man fills him. He doesn't know how he's ever come to earn it or deserve it that Andyr would want him even when he asks for too much.

His breathing his hard and the rip of his shirt shocks him, and if his mindset had been anywhere else in the start of this he might have laughed. He doesn't mourn the shirt in the least, rocking his hips down against the other's cock and his own was hard and aching already too. He pulls Andyr into another kiss, his hands sliding into his hair, curling as he kisses him deeply, biting at his bottom lip as he shrugs at the tatters of the shirt, not having to stop touching Andyr completely to get them shrugged away. ]

[SAV] IC INBOX/MAILBOX

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