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deconstruct) wrote2016-07-26 07:14 pm
deconstruct) wrote2016-07-26 07:14 pm
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[It makes Ronan feel just slightly better that Andyr doesn't seem to have understood that was Adam's intention, either. Somehow it's preferable for the both of them to have been hopelessly lost in this whole relationship business, rather than Ronan suffering as the idiot alone.]
I think he does.
[If Adam has been able to tolerate Ronan's violent urges for this long, he'll surely find a way to deal with Andyr's. And the three of them love each other so much, it seems impossible that one fight could end it. He hopes. He prays. (He really isn't sure.)
Ronan brushes a kiss over Andyr's forehead, then his cheek, then nuzzles him in reassurance.]
He's falling in love with you, too. I can feel it.
I think he does.
[If Adam has been able to tolerate Ronan's violent urges for this long, he'll surely find a way to deal with Andyr's. And the three of them love each other so much, it seems impossible that one fight could end it. He hopes. He prays. (He really isn't sure.)
Ronan brushes a kiss over Andyr's forehead, then his cheek, then nuzzles him in reassurance.]
He's falling in love with you, too. I can feel it.
[ honestly, they're both idiots in that sense. maybe someday they'll get better at this dating people thing, but as it stands, poor adam is the only adult here.
even this is hard for andyr to process, even with ronan right here, showering him with affections, nuzzling in against him, and his own arms looped snug around him like the most natural thing in the world. it still baffles him, so much, thinking he's loved by anyone anymore. let alone people as sweet and kind and incredible as ronan and adam. ]
He barely knows anything about me.
[ if the shock of him hitting ronan today says anything about it. andyr can't deny he doesn't feel something similar for adam, but that's nothing new. he's always felt too much too fast. that's just his own flawed nature. adam's the one that's supposed to make sense. ]
even this is hard for andyr to process, even with ronan right here, showering him with affections, nuzzling in against him, and his own arms looped snug around him like the most natural thing in the world. it still baffles him, so much, thinking he's loved by anyone anymore. let alone people as sweet and kind and incredible as ronan and adam. ]
He barely knows anything about me.
[ if the shock of him hitting ronan today says anything about it. andyr can't deny he doesn't feel something similar for adam, but that's nothing new. he's always felt too much too fast. that's just his own flawed nature. adam's the one that's supposed to make sense. ]
You barely know anything about him.
[Which isn't a criticism, just... the way it is. And it doesn't seem to matter to Andyr, where Adam had come from and what he is. Ronan suspects Adam will feel the same for him. Falling for someone doesn't tend to require much background information.]
When he's ready, let him get to know you. Just you and him, without me in the way.
[Something tugs painfully at his heart as Ronan becomes aware he's urging someone else to fall in love with the boy he loves. He's still afraid he'll be left behind, one or both of them realizing they don't need him anymore. Another (more complicated) part of him thrills at the idea of Adam and Andyr loving each other as much as Ronan loves them. They'll be beautiful together, and they won't be alone when Ronan's gone.]
[Which isn't a criticism, just... the way it is. And it doesn't seem to matter to Andyr, where Adam had come from and what he is. Ronan suspects Adam will feel the same for him. Falling for someone doesn't tend to require much background information.]
When he's ready, let him get to know you. Just you and him, without me in the way.
[Something tugs painfully at his heart as Ronan becomes aware he's urging someone else to fall in love with the boy he loves. He's still afraid he'll be left behind, one or both of them realizing they don't need him anymore. Another (more complicated) part of him thrills at the idea of Adam and Andyr loving each other as much as Ronan loves them. They'll be beautiful together, and they won't be alone when Ronan's gone.]
[ a moment passes, as andyr thinks on it, and he supposes, yes, that's true. he didn't know much about adam aside from how he's attached to ronan, and his personality he learned in quiet moments between the two of them. it wasn't his history he was so fond of, just his being. ronan's right, about that, as ronan tends to be.
about the latter, though, no. andyr frowns, looking over him, before adjusting his arms to squeeze around his middle, andyr pulling up close to him and tucking his face against his neck again - andyr's favorite space to nest. ]
You know we both hate being without you.
[ ronan's more a key part of all this than he knows. andyr isn't stupid, he gets what ronan wants to do. set them up comfortably with each other so they have something to fall back on. like he'd accused adam of doing with andyr and ronan at first. that will not ever make the loss of him any easier, and neither of them have any desire to be just the two of them without the integral part that ronan is. he should be there for all of it. ]
about the latter, though, no. andyr frowns, looking over him, before adjusting his arms to squeeze around his middle, andyr pulling up close to him and tucking his face against his neck again - andyr's favorite space to nest. ]
You know we both hate being without you.
[ ronan's more a key part of all this than he knows. andyr isn't stupid, he gets what ronan wants to do. set them up comfortably with each other so they have something to fall back on. like he'd accused adam of doing with andyr and ronan at first. that will not ever make the loss of him any easier, and neither of them have any desire to be just the two of them without the integral part that ronan is. he should be there for all of it. ]
Right now you do.
[That's the whole point of spending time without him. Of course they'll feel his absence if they're used to his constant presence. It won't get easier until they have to go on without him and adjust to the feeling of each other, instead.]
But it's your choice.
[That's the whole point of spending time without him. Of course they'll feel his absence if they're used to his constant presence. It won't get easier until they have to go on without him and adjust to the feeling of each other, instead.]
But it's your choice.
We always will.
[ there won't be a time, Andyr thinks, that they won't miss Ronan, even if things go exactly how he wants them. If him and Adam have each other to love and support on another when Ronan goes, if they aren't alone in their grief. They'll still always love him, and always long for him. They'll just do so together.
And because of that, he doesn't want Ronan trying to ween then off of him. Nothing will make losing Ronan less devastating for the two of them, so better they just soak him up while they can. ]
Don't leave us any sooner than you have to. [ Andyr lifts his head, hands on Ronan's cheeks as he kisses him soft and slow. ]
[ there won't be a time, Andyr thinks, that they won't miss Ronan, even if things go exactly how he wants them. If him and Adam have each other to love and support on another when Ronan goes, if they aren't alone in their grief. They'll still always love him, and always long for him. They'll just do so together.
And because of that, he doesn't want Ronan trying to ween then off of him. Nothing will make losing Ronan less devastating for the two of them, so better they just soak him up while they can. ]
Don't leave us any sooner than you have to. [ Andyr lifts his head, hands on Ronan's cheeks as he kisses him soft and slow. ]
[Ronan can't promise that, so he says nothing. He'll do whatever seems best, and it might mean ending his life even before the demon can consume him, to save Adam or any of the others. There's simply no telling at this point.
He can at least allow himself to keep loving Adam and Andyr until that day comes. He returns Andyr's kiss, pressing closer to him, his hand finding Andyr's heart. He couldn't bear being without the two of them. Not for any significant amount of time. Ronan only wants them to be prepared.]
He can at least allow himself to keep loving Adam and Andyr until that day comes. He returns Andyr's kiss, pressing closer to him, his hand finding Andyr's heart. He couldn't bear being without the two of them. Not for any significant amount of time. Ronan only wants them to be prepared.]
[ he knows it's more complicated than that, and Andyr wouldn't blame Ronan for cutting it short, either to save a friend or skip the agony of it. All he wants, now, is to enjoy the time they have together. To fill his mind to the brim with beautiful memories of Ronan, like this, with his warm palm over andyr's heart, and andyr's arms around ronan's waist, tugging his body closer. He doesn't argue it any further. He and ronan already had that talk, a few million times over.
For a long few minutes, andyr's content to kiss him, deep and long and loving. Until a thought occurs, and he pauses, teeth tugging at his own lip and nerves build to bring up the subject. ]
Since we're not doing that rule anymore... does that mean me and you too? [ sex, that is. Making love in the way they'd felt the urge to since that first night in the tent. ] Not right now, I mean, but. You know.
For a long few minutes, andyr's content to kiss him, deep and long and loving. Until a thought occurs, and he pauses, teeth tugging at his own lip and nerves build to bring up the subject. ]
Since we're not doing that rule anymore... does that mean me and you too? [ sex, that is. Making love in the way they'd felt the urge to since that first night in the tent. ] Not right now, I mean, but. You know.
[Ronan would never have expected that question, though it seems like he should have once Andyr raises it. His heart skips a beat at the thought. He wants to, of course. He's wanted it since that night. But all of the things that stood in his way then remain applicable now. He isn't married to Andyr.]
I'm saving myself.
[Maybe Andyr doesn't know.]
Adam hasn't... You know. No one's ever been inside me.
[Not for lack of trying. Ronan remains stubborn about it. But he's willing to give Andyr as much as he's given Adam, of course. That barrier's already broken, anyway.]
If you wanted me to, though, it... You should ask Adam if I'm allowed. I don't know.
[And he's run into a lot of trouble trying to guess what Adam's boundaries are.]
I'm saving myself.
[Maybe Andyr doesn't know.]
Adam hasn't... You know. No one's ever been inside me.
[Not for lack of trying. Ronan remains stubborn about it. But he's willing to give Andyr as much as he's given Adam, of course. That barrier's already broken, anyway.]
If you wanted me to, though, it... You should ask Adam if I'm allowed. I don't know.
[And he's run into a lot of trouble trying to guess what Adam's boundaries are.]
[ making ronan nervous is the last thing andyr wants, though he has his own jitters spiking through him, with the topic. they dance the words around it, like embarrassed kids, and really, they kind of are, but andyr strokes over ronan's cheek, shaking his head with a smile. ]
It's okay. We don't have to.
[ at all, not even an 'if you want me to', because it isn't about if one of them does and the other doesn't. either they both want it, or nothing. ]
If you want me to, I'll ask. [ he can brave adam's scathing wrath, thinks he can at least work with the fact that he's an idiot and entirely new to this whole dating thing to save some face. ] We don't have to do it like that, though. If you wanna save that for your wedding.
[ andyr doesn't have to be inside him, he means. ]
It's okay. We don't have to.
[ at all, not even an 'if you want me to', because it isn't about if one of them does and the other doesn't. either they both want it, or nothing. ]
If you want me to, I'll ask. [ he can brave adam's scathing wrath, thinks he can at least work with the fact that he's an idiot and entirely new to this whole dating thing to save some face. ] We don't have to do it like that, though. If you wanna save that for your wedding.
[ andyr doesn't have to be inside him, he means. ]
you know im bad at keeping secrets
[ he's bad at keeping ronan's secrets from adam, and vice versa. it makes him feel like more of a wedge between them, being something withholding. but he also wants to be someone adam can trust for help. ]
what do you need?
[ he's bad at keeping ronan's secrets from adam, and vice versa. it makes him feel like more of a wedge between them, being something withholding. but he also wants to be someone adam can trust for help. ]
what do you need?
I really... need you to not tell anyone.
[ There's a long pause, Adam getting someone in the shop before he returns to send another message. ]
do you think... if I wanted you to hurt me, could you do that?
[ There's a long pause, Adam getting someone in the shop before he returns to send another message. ]
do you think... if I wanted you to hurt me, could you do that?
[ um. immediately deeply uncomfortable. why would adam ask him this?? ]
hurt you how?
why?
hurt you how?
why?
I haven't figured that out yet.
I need you to. I just know I need you to.
I need you to. I just know I need you to.
maybe... A little rough in the bedroom sort of thing? Biting... Less holding back.
I know I shouldn't be asking.
[he feels guilty but he trusts Andyr too. He trusts him to listen... To take care of him and to let Adam ultimately control if it's agreed to.]
I know I shouldn't be asking.
[he feels guilty but he trusts Andyr too. He trusts him to listen... To take care of him and to let Adam ultimately control if it's agreed to.]
are you sure youll be okay with that? i dont want you to be afraid of me
you can ask me anything
[ he understands why he didn't go to ronan with this. and why he doesn't want ronan knowing. ]
you can ask me anything
[ he understands why he didn't go to ronan with this. and why he doesn't want ronan knowing. ]
I promise I'll be okay. just... don't hit me or keep me from moving my arms and it'll be okay. I'll tell you if it's not and you'd stop. I trust you.
okay. i believe you. we should talk more about whats ok and whats not. are you coming home soon?
i miss you, adam
i miss you, adam
I'll come home and shower and see you. My room?
I miss you too. I'm trying...
[ trying to be better but just feeling like he's drowning. ]
I miss you too. I'm trying...
[ trying to be better but just feeling like he's drowning. ]
[ Adam would have just slept at the shop if it hadn't been for Andyr agreeing. As it was, he still came home rather late, making a point to avoid running into anyone as he grabs a shower after texting Andyr to meet him in his room in a few minutes, that he was home.
After the shower, he changes clothes, just a tank top and sweatpants and he knew neither would be on for very long. He chews on his lip feeling nervous and anticipating too. He knows that he needs this, he hopes that he's not been too unfair to andyr to ask this of him, to tell him he needs it even if it's true.
Would Andyr resent him somehow later? He exhales heavily as he slips into his room, closing the door and smiling just slightly when he sees Andyr there like he's asked him to be. He locks the door behind himself, just in case. ]
Hey. [ It comes out soft and he sits on the edge of the bed. ]
After the shower, he changes clothes, just a tank top and sweatpants and he knew neither would be on for very long. He chews on his lip feeling nervous and anticipating too. He knows that he needs this, he hopes that he's not been too unfair to andyr to ask this of him, to tell him he needs it even if it's true.
Would Andyr resent him somehow later? He exhales heavily as he slips into his room, closing the door and smiling just slightly when he sees Andyr there like he's asked him to be. He locks the door behind himself, just in case. ]
Hey. [ It comes out soft and he sits on the edge of the bed. ]
[ andyr's settled on adam's bed, in a pair of pajama pants and a loose shirt, when he gets out of the shower, legs folded and hands laid in his lap, eyes staring at the lines in his palms distantly, until the door cracks open and adam walks in.
for a still moment, he's watching him, something scared and yearning and eager in his eyes, before he pushes up from the mattress, and crosses over to his lover. before anything else is said, or the subject at hand is brought up, it's important to andyr that adam knows he has his love and his trust, pulling the boy into his arms, against his chest, and kissing him softly for a passing moment or so. ]
Hey. Welcome home.
[ because it is home, and when adam's gone from it, that's a part of andyr's home that's missing. having him here makes it feel whole again. ]
for a still moment, he's watching him, something scared and yearning and eager in his eyes, before he pushes up from the mattress, and crosses over to his lover. before anything else is said, or the subject at hand is brought up, it's important to andyr that adam knows he has his love and his trust, pulling the boy into his arms, against his chest, and kissing him softly for a passing moment or so. ]
Hey. Welcome home.
[ because it is home, and when adam's gone from it, that's a part of andyr's home that's missing. having him here makes it feel whole again. ]
[ Adam exhales when he feels the other's arm sliding around him, pulling him close. It's a wave of comfort and affection that he hadn't been expecting to feel for some reason but it's there. He tilts his head to kiss Andyr back open to this soft and gentle moment especially after what he's asked. he doesn't pull away from him, tucking his face against the side of his neck after they part from the kiss. ]
I'm sorry... [ Even though being welcomed home perhaps shouldn't necessarily prompt an apology he knows that his tendency to pull away when he's hurting or stressed isn't the most productive and that he ends up messing things up more probably by doing that.
It doesn't really help anyone.
He presses soft kisses to the other's neck as if furthering his apology in the soft touches of his lips. ]
I'm sorry... [ Even though being welcomed home perhaps shouldn't necessarily prompt an apology he knows that his tendency to pull away when he's hurting or stressed isn't the most productive and that he ends up messing things up more probably by doing that.
It doesn't really help anyone.
He presses soft kisses to the other's neck as if furthering his apology in the soft touches of his lips. ]
Nothing to be sorry for. [ Andyr murmurs, lips pressed against adam's hair, arms squeezing him tight. he hadn't asked for something gentle like this, but andyr can't help himself, wanting to bundle adam up against him and soothe all that's hurt in him.
but he'd asked him, and andyr intends to provide for him, crouching some to hook his arms around adam's hips instead, and then lifting him, so adam's legs can wrap around his waist, carrying him over to the bed he'd just gotten up from.
they settle there, adam in andyr's lap, and he kisses against his cheek a couple more times, before asking, quietly. ] We can do this. It's okay to ask, but I need to know how much is okay. You said biting - how hard? What if there's blood?
but he'd asked him, and andyr intends to provide for him, crouching some to hook his arms around adam's hips instead, and then lifting him, so adam's legs can wrap around his waist, carrying him over to the bed he'd just gotten up from.
they settle there, adam in andyr's lap, and he kisses against his cheek a couple more times, before asking, quietly. ] We can do this. It's okay to ask, but I need to know how much is okay. You said biting - how hard? What if there's blood?
[Adam's not sure he believes that there's nothing to be sorry for, but then again asking for anything has never been his strong suit.
Andyr is strong and it is blatantly clear in the moment the other picks him up, he wraps his legs around his waist, arms around him as well. It's still gentle there the soft presses of lips against his cheek, the warmth of Andyr so close to him.
He doesn't answer immediately because the question deserves thought and not a reckless answer.]
I think blood is okay, if... I'll tell you if something's too much. [He tilts his head meeting the others gaze and his stomach is a coiling mess of desire and apprehension and need to purge of something, anything.] anything that happens, I'll tell you. I promise.
Andyr is strong and it is blatantly clear in the moment the other picks him up, he wraps his legs around his waist, arms around him as well. It's still gentle there the soft presses of lips against his cheek, the warmth of Andyr so close to him.
He doesn't answer immediately because the question deserves thought and not a reckless answer.]
I think blood is okay, if... I'll tell you if something's too much. [He tilts his head meeting the others gaze and his stomach is a coiling mess of desire and apprehension and need to purge of something, anything.] anything that happens, I'll tell you. I promise.
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