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deconstruct) wrote2016-07-26 07:14 pm
deconstruct) wrote2016-07-26 07:14 pm
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[ hearing the shifting of water, and the sound of a body moving out of the bath, andyr lifts his eyes, seeing adam retreating, and knows before ronan starts to move, that this is winding down. he's fine with that fact - it's been an intense day, the both of them ought to rest and recover from it. ]
Sweet dreams.
[ Andyr squeezes a shoulder and lets him go, sinking back into the water to wash off the soap that's spread over him, skimming around to look for shampoo as well. he'll be fine minding himself as he finishes washing up, eventually climbing out to take note from adam and grab for a robe, stripping off what's left of his clothes underneath and laying them out to dry.
in retrospect, hopping in fully clothed wasn't the best idea. maybe ronan can dream him something clean. ]
Sweet dreams.
[ Andyr squeezes a shoulder and lets him go, sinking back into the water to wash off the soap that's spread over him, skimming around to look for shampoo as well. he'll be fine minding himself as he finishes washing up, eventually climbing out to take note from adam and grab for a robe, stripping off what's left of his clothes underneath and laying them out to dry.
in retrospect, hopping in fully clothed wasn't the best idea. maybe ronan can dream him something clean. ]
[ Adam looks at Ronan where he passes out on the tiles. He shifts closer to him, and by the time he does he's probably already fallen asleep but he slips his hand into his, lacing their fingers together. He's still feeling a little hurt by assumptions that had been made earlier, that he's not sure he'd been able to clear the air about but there's just so much going on. His hurt feelings are hardly the most important thing. ]
I'm not faking it. [ Adam says softly to Andyr. Just because he's pulling away didn't mean that he didn't mean everything he's said and done. ]
I'm not faking it. [ Adam says softly to Andyr. Just because he's pulling away didn't mean that he didn't mean everything he's said and done. ]
[ andyr's just settled down, slouched in his side a respectable distance away, and contemplating a nap himself, when Adam speaks up. Eyes lift to up, brows raised, and it suddenly occurs to him that it's just the two of them now, and this thing between them, and Ronan's check out. And it feels very bizarre, out of place. ]
I believe you. [ and he does. He'd seen what Adam lying looked like, and it had been good, but it isn't this. ]
I believe you. [ and he does. He'd seen what Adam lying looked like, and it had been good, but it isn't this. ]
[ Adam nods. That's all he needed to hear. He's not sure Ronan really believes him but he knows that Andyr wouldn't act like he did if he didn't, especially not when Ronan can't hear him. His fingers curl a little tighter on Ronan's hand, content to leave it at that and let Andyr do what he wants, whether that's nap or wait for the bed that will inevitably be there sooner than later. ]
[ Finding something for Ronan, had been easy. Adam knows Ronan like the back of his own hand after all. But, he wanted to get Andyr something too because Andyr is something special as well.
He leaves a small box outside of Andyr's door, not wanting to open it and wake him up since he's just dropping it off before going to work.
Inside the box is a simple necklace. He's not sure Andyr likes that sort of thing. He's not sure about a lot of things.
Engraved into the underside of the fish, in latin, pretty much because Andyr won't know what it means: Pulvis et umbra sumus. What it really means is life is short and Adam is happy Andyr is in it. ]
He leaves a small box outside of Andyr's door, not wanting to open it and wake him up since he's just dropping it off before going to work.
Inside the box is a simple necklace. He's not sure Andyr likes that sort of thing. He's not sure about a lot of things.
Engraved into the underside of the fish, in latin, pretty much because Andyr won't know what it means: Pulvis et umbra sumus. What it really means is life is short and Adam is happy Andyr is in it. ]
Edited 2017-02-15 07:30 (UTC)
[Apparently Valentine's Day is a thing they're doing. Ronan has never celebrated it before, of course, since he spent eighteen years living that repressed chaste Catholic homosexual life. But this is finally the year he doesn't have to be bitter and lonely while everyone else is doing the romance thing. Instead of running around yelling, "FUCK THIS CORPORATE HOLIDAY," he's delivering gifts to his lovers.
What he leaves in Andyr's room isn't exactly the most romantic gift at a glance. But he thinks Andyr will understand it. Ronan hangs a dreamcatcher of raven feathers and sea glass beside the door. Attached to it is a note in Ronan's handwriting that reads: THESE THINGS REALLY WORK.]
What he leaves in Andyr's room isn't exactly the most romantic gift at a glance. But he thinks Andyr will understand it. Ronan hangs a dreamcatcher of raven feathers and sea glass beside the door. Attached to it is a note in Ronan's handwriting that reads: THESE THINGS REALLY WORK.]
[ It's a little strange for him to feel this happy, though he doesn't know if it's exactly that. At the very least, there's still something about being with Andyr that settles him a lot more than usual, and maybe it's the familiarity, unable to keep his own hand from gripping tight to his even as he draws him forward to step through the ingress. He's been through once already, and it's certainly nothing like the first time they'd ever showed up on the Moira. ]
I don't think they'd let us go through if it wasn't safe. [ Putting faith in people he hardly knows, but that's not new at all, giving his fingers a squeeze. ] It's okay. [ And with that, he drags him through without more warning, the movement so smooth there's hardly any sensation to it aside from the warmth that flows over him. After, Steve's glancing around, continuing to hold onto Andyr as he gestures up.
They have really good timing. ] That's why I wanted to bring you here. [ Don't start drooling over the flying whales or anything. ]
I don't think they'd let us go through if it wasn't safe. [ Putting faith in people he hardly knows, but that's not new at all, giving his fingers a squeeze. ] It's okay. [ And with that, he drags him through without more warning, the movement so smooth there's hardly any sensation to it aside from the warmth that flows over him. After, Steve's glancing around, continuing to hold onto Andyr as he gestures up.
They have really good timing. ] That's why I wanted to bring you here. [ Don't start drooling over the flying whales or anything. ]
[ andyr loves this sort of thing. adam's probably noticed by now, having actually seen andyr bare several times now, that there's two things he never takes off - the dog tags around his neck, always tucked into his shirt, and the leather, sea glass bracelet around a wrist.
the little necklace adam leaves him is now part of that set, feeling complete with a trifecta. as opposed to the dog tags, the fish necklace sits on top of his clothes at all times, andyr like looking at it any times he catches himself in a reflective surface.
the day he gets it, though, andyr goes digging through books and the thisavrou equivalent to internet, trying to translate the back of it. he finds the words, digs through the source, looks through the various interpretations, and soaks it all up, small smile on his lips with each new bit of understanding.
the next day, adam will find a intricately designed bag laid on his bed, all gear and mechanics and logic things that combine in mesmerizing harmony, all of it something that reminded andyr so much of adam. embossed on the inside, is a phrase in french. Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. the same adam had left for him.
he has so little time, and so much uncertainty for the future, but he loves every moment spent with these boys. ]
the little necklace adam leaves him is now part of that set, feeling complete with a trifecta. as opposed to the dog tags, the fish necklace sits on top of his clothes at all times, andyr like looking at it any times he catches himself in a reflective surface.
the day he gets it, though, andyr goes digging through books and the thisavrou equivalent to internet, trying to translate the back of it. he finds the words, digs through the source, looks through the various interpretations, and soaks it all up, small smile on his lips with each new bit of understanding.
the next day, adam will find a intricately designed bag laid on his bed, all gear and mechanics and logic things that combine in mesmerizing harmony, all of it something that reminded andyr so much of adam. embossed on the inside, is a phrase in french. Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. the same adam had left for him.
he has so little time, and so much uncertainty for the future, but he loves every moment spent with these boys. ]
Edited 2017-02-18 05:55 (UTC)
[ coming back into his room, andyr freezes when he sees the dreamcatcher dangling from his door, as if it'd always been there, unassuming. he knows, before he touches the note, who it's from, seeing the raven feathers attached.
immediately, it means so much more to him than he can say. andyr'd told ronan about the dreamcatcher his mother had made, the tattoo behind his eyelid, the calming thought of it over his head as he laid in pain. his fingertips touch delicately at the feathers, knowing this, too, must be a dream thing, but it feels so full of something purely ronan. it's immediately hung over his bed, and andyr spends his nights occasionally reaching up to graze his hand through the dangling feathers, as if petting some invisible bird, or a sensation of ronan close by.
valentine's day, while still partly present, isn't a huge thing in andyr's world anymore, so he'd been caught off guard with the gifts. for the next couple days, he's here and there, often out in the other regions, fetching things. the bag for adam, and what he gets for ronan is a bit more involved.
a few days after the dreamcatcher was left in his room, ronan will come home to a detailed knife set in a leather sheath on his bed, the worked metal itself looking warped and unusual, like ronan's dream things, and the blade's edge wickedly sharp - not something for simple decoration. andyr thinks, if anyone's likely to understand what he means by gifting his lover a weapon, it's ronan.
along the edge, he's had the same words engraved as he'd put on adam's bag: Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. a sentiment that applies to all of them. ]
immediately, it means so much more to him than he can say. andyr'd told ronan about the dreamcatcher his mother had made, the tattoo behind his eyelid, the calming thought of it over his head as he laid in pain. his fingertips touch delicately at the feathers, knowing this, too, must be a dream thing, but it feels so full of something purely ronan. it's immediately hung over his bed, and andyr spends his nights occasionally reaching up to graze his hand through the dangling feathers, as if petting some invisible bird, or a sensation of ronan close by.
valentine's day, while still partly present, isn't a huge thing in andyr's world anymore, so he'd been caught off guard with the gifts. for the next couple days, he's here and there, often out in the other regions, fetching things. the bag for adam, and what he gets for ronan is a bit more involved.
a few days after the dreamcatcher was left in his room, ronan will come home to a detailed knife set in a leather sheath on his bed, the worked metal itself looking warped and unusual, like ronan's dream things, and the blade's edge wickedly sharp - not something for simple decoration. andyr thinks, if anyone's likely to understand what he means by gifting his lover a weapon, it's ronan.
along the edge, he's had the same words engraved as he'd put on adam's bag: Nous ne sommes qu'ombre et poussière. a sentiment that applies to all of them. ]
[ andyr tumbles through, eyes squeezed closed, as if expecting it to hurt, but there's only that vague feeling of warmth, before he starts to hear something like water and wind blowing, a coolness on his skin. his hand's still clasped tight to steve's, as he crack his eyes open, seeing a wash of blues and whites, eyes dragging upwards, and then, he sees it.
for a moment, andyr forgets how to breath, lips parted and expression a picture of complete awe, as he watches the elegant, grand creatures pass by, like ancient, mythic monoliths. ]
Holy... shit... [ he isn't letting go of steve's hand, instead, pulling it closer, holding their linked hands against his chest, as he paces carefully up to the edge of the platform, discolored eyes following the figures as they glide past. ] This is... Steve, are you kidding me? This is like a dream.
for a moment, andyr forgets how to breath, lips parted and expression a picture of complete awe, as he watches the elegant, grand creatures pass by, like ancient, mythic monoliths. ]
Holy... shit... [ he isn't letting go of steve's hand, instead, pulling it closer, holding their linked hands against his chest, as he paces carefully up to the edge of the platform, discolored eyes following the figures as they glide past. ] This is... Steve, are you kidding me? This is like a dream.
[It's after he had gone over what he wanted with Ronan, ensuring that it is something Ronan wants too before he goes to Andyr. He makes quick work of finding him with Ronan trailing behind him.]
Andyr, can I... We [a quick stolen glance at Ronan] show you something?
[It's easier just to show a porn video okay.]
Andyr, can I... We [a quick stolen glance at Ronan] show you something?
[It's easier just to show a porn video okay.]
[ every time ronan asks him 'can we talk', it seems to end in something either bad, or emotionally devastating at some point. so, when andyr makes his way in from watching the pond, and adam asks something very similar sounding, he glances from one of them, to the other, and back again, nerves immediately set on edge. ]
Is something wrong? [ the first thought in his head. maybe they decided this isn't working and they need to call it off. andyr won't argue it, but god, he's already feeling an ache of hurt. he'd grown so much more attached to the both of them than he'd ever meant to.
his hands twists at the cuffs of his sleeves, picking at the fabric nervously. ] Did I do something?
Is something wrong? [ the first thought in his head. maybe they decided this isn't working and they need to call it off. andyr won't argue it, but god, he's already feeling an ache of hurt. he'd grown so much more attached to the both of them than he'd ever meant to.
his hands twists at the cuffs of his sleeves, picking at the fabric nervously. ] Did I do something?
[Adam shakes his head and grabs Andyrs hand to lead him to Ronan's room for privacy and what not. He drops down into the comfy bed and takes out his tab to play the video. He's quiet, his fingers still grasping his hand as he uses the other to hold the tab up. It's a short video but the double penetration is clear.]
[ adam's shaking his head, but it still doesn't tell andyr anything. as the smaller boy leads him through the halls, andyr's eyes dart back to ronan, worry there, uncertainty. why's he so quiet? can he not even tell him himself? but he's tugged all the way onto ronan's comfortable bed, and tugged down to sit on the puffy blankets, a TAB held out in front of him.
aaaaand, that's porn. like, really explicit porn. really hot explicit porn.
uh.
andyr's lips part, about to question it, but his eyes don't leave the video, a familiar heat crawling up in him, twisting tight, his hand squeezing a bit more in adam's than he means to. it's impossible to watch this without getting turned on, especially with the two boys that star in most any wet dreams he has now right here next to him. ]
Is this... what you wanna do? [ guessing? is that why adam's showing him? another glance is shot up to ronan, like he's still waiting for some kind of confirmation, something to tell him this is okay. adam's body isn't his, and neither is ronan's. not in this kind of way. they'd established that, hadn't they? and only a couple nights ago, andyr'd been in ronan's bed, hearing the honest truth about how he feels this has ended. turning back to adam, andyr squeezes his hand, dipping forward to kiss at a cheek. ] I want to, Adam, I swear, I do, but... That's yours. The two of you. I can't take that.
I wanted you two to be closer, not further apart.
aaaaand, that's porn. like, really explicit porn. really hot explicit porn.
uh.
andyr's lips part, about to question it, but his eyes don't leave the video, a familiar heat crawling up in him, twisting tight, his hand squeezing a bit more in adam's than he means to. it's impossible to watch this without getting turned on, especially with the two boys that star in most any wet dreams he has now right here next to him. ]
Is this... what you wanna do? [ guessing? is that why adam's showing him? another glance is shot up to ronan, like he's still waiting for some kind of confirmation, something to tell him this is okay. adam's body isn't his, and neither is ronan's. not in this kind of way. they'd established that, hadn't they? and only a couple nights ago, andyr'd been in ronan's bed, hearing the honest truth about how he feels this has ended. turning back to adam, andyr squeezes his hand, dipping forward to kiss at a cheek. ] I want to, Adam, I swear, I do, but... That's yours. The two of you. I can't take that.
I wanted you two to be closer, not further apart.
Edited 2017-02-24 02:10 (UTC)
[This was Adam's idea, of course, and Ronan's content to leave the pitch to him. But he understands Andyr's reaction to it, and the reason Andyr keeps looking back at him. Unfortunately, there's not much information to be found there. Ronan is stoic, the way he gets when he's nervous about something, and whatever he's feeling doesn't make itself known on his face.
At the protest, though, he steps forward and lays his hands gently on Andyr's shoulders, massaging him from behind.]
You're not taking anything. We want to give this to you.
[We. Not just Adam. Ronan has decided for himself.]
I love him more than anything and I want you to have him.
At the protest, though, he steps forward and lays his hands gently on Andyr's shoulders, massaging him from behind.]
You're not taking anything. We want to give this to you.
[We. Not just Adam. Ronan has decided for himself.]
I love him more than anything and I want you to have him.
[ ronan's blank stoicism is perhaps more alarming than anything else. he'd always been the first to reassure him in the past, like he couldn't hold it in him, and it's unsettling to see ronan giving him nothing now. it's a thing that seems so solid a sign to andyr that, by the time ronan's reaching forward for him and trying to ease him into the idea, andyr's already decided there's a lie somewhere.
not in ronan's words, because he doesn't lie, but in the space around the words. in how he holds himself, how he talks, the idea that he's completely fine and eager to this. any of this. ]
Only 'cause you think he's not yours anymore. [ andyr near whispers, eyes on ronan. he doesn't want to keep trying to suck it up and carry on like just a little more fooling around will wipe that hurt out of ronan's eyes. ] Not the way you were dreaming about.
[ the kind of eternally bonded soulmate ronan had believed them to be. he can't do this as a consequence of ronan believing he'd deserved to be cast out of true, whole love. not with either of them. andyr's knees draw up to his chest, chin sitting on top of them for a moment, as his thumb traces at the side of adam's hand, a nervous tick, thinking. ]
When both of you know you're everything to each other, I'll do it. [ it comes out quiet, but audible. ] Not just say, not just think - know.
not in ronan's words, because he doesn't lie, but in the space around the words. in how he holds himself, how he talks, the idea that he's completely fine and eager to this. any of this. ]
Only 'cause you think he's not yours anymore. [ andyr near whispers, eyes on ronan. he doesn't want to keep trying to suck it up and carry on like just a little more fooling around will wipe that hurt out of ronan's eyes. ] Not the way you were dreaming about.
[ the kind of eternally bonded soulmate ronan had believed them to be. he can't do this as a consequence of ronan believing he'd deserved to be cast out of true, whole love. not with either of them. andyr's knees draw up to his chest, chin sitting on top of them for a moment, as his thumb traces at the side of adam's hand, a nervous tick, thinking. ]
When both of you know you're everything to each other, I'll do it. [ it comes out quiet, but audible. ] Not just say, not just think - know.
[ Adam lets out a quiet sigh at Andyr. He doesn't think there's a lie in this. Or maybe Ronan is better at pulling the wool over his eyes than he is with Andyr. That's entirely possible. Adam, loosens his grip on Andyr's hand to free it, the tab tossed side as his brushes over the strong thigh instead as he looks at him.
He doesn't need to look at Ronan to know what he'll see there. ]
What I know is that the problem isn't how we see each other but that you don't see yourself clearly with us. God, we need to stop talking about each other like we're property. [ It might have started bothering him earlier with Ronan. ]
There's not a finite amount of me or you or any of us... And we're fucking lucky we found not one but two people who make us better and it fits so why do we al lkeep fighting it...
He doesn't need to look at Ronan to know what he'll see there. ]
What I know is that the problem isn't how we see each other but that you don't see yourself clearly with us. God, we need to stop talking about each other like we're property. [ It might have started bothering him earlier with Ronan. ]
There's not a finite amount of me or you or any of us... And we're fucking lucky we found not one but two people who make us better and it fits so why do we al lkeep fighting it...
[He would never have called Adam his property, not any more than a heart or a soul is property, but he knows that comment was directed at him. Ronan looks away, effectively silenced. His hands drop away from Andyr and he takes a step back.
He hadn't shared his fears with Andyr only to have them brought to Adam. He'd thought they were spoken in confidence. Now, of course, Adam's angry. As Ronan knew he would be.]
He hadn't shared his fears with Andyr only to have them brought to Adam. He'd thought they were spoken in confidence. Now, of course, Adam's angry. As Ronan knew he would be.]
[ he knows he'd betrayed ronan's trust in letting that out, but it'd welled up in him, too hard to skip over and impossible to mention without outting him. how can he hold onto that secret, though, when they're supposed to all be together in this? how can he watch ronan carry on believing he'd earned damnation. andyr feels him drift off, and watches the step he takes back, and it feels like he's putting miles between them, andyr pushing up from the bed to follow him. ] God, stop it, Ronan. Come back. Please.
[ andyr reaches a hand out, touching the edge of a shoulder tentatively, like he's afraid of being shoved away, but grows bolder, pushing arms around his sides and tugging himself to ronan's chest, head tucked against it as if he's determined to stay there until someone stronger than him manages to pry him away. ]
I know we're not property. We all know that, me especially. [ as far as andyr knows, he's the only one with a literal corporate brand permanently embedded into his skeleton. ] How can I do this knowing you're hurt? How's that love?
[ andyr's chin tilts up some, looking back to adam, and freeing a hand to reach for him, wanting to pull him in against ronan. ] You're both the best things to ever happen to me, and you've got such a beautiful love between you I can't believe how lucky I am to get to be a part of it.
I don't give a shit what you did wrong, Ronan, I can almost guarantee I've done worse, but you deserve this happiness. [ andyr's pulled back, seeking out ronan's eyes with something pleading in his, redness rimming near his lids, and an ache in his voice. ] 'Cause I fucking said so, and if God has a problem with it, He can come through the damn Ingress and fight me.
It's yours because we want to give it to you, so just freaking take it.
[ andyr reaches a hand out, touching the edge of a shoulder tentatively, like he's afraid of being shoved away, but grows bolder, pushing arms around his sides and tugging himself to ronan's chest, head tucked against it as if he's determined to stay there until someone stronger than him manages to pry him away. ]
I know we're not property. We all know that, me especially. [ as far as andyr knows, he's the only one with a literal corporate brand permanently embedded into his skeleton. ] How can I do this knowing you're hurt? How's that love?
[ andyr's chin tilts up some, looking back to adam, and freeing a hand to reach for him, wanting to pull him in against ronan. ] You're both the best things to ever happen to me, and you've got such a beautiful love between you I can't believe how lucky I am to get to be a part of it.
I don't give a shit what you did wrong, Ronan, I can almost guarantee I've done worse, but you deserve this happiness. [ andyr's pulled back, seeking out ronan's eyes with something pleading in his, redness rimming near his lids, and an ache in his voice. ] 'Cause I fucking said so, and if God has a problem with it, He can come through the damn Ingress and fight me.
It's yours because we want to give it to you, so just freaking take it.
Edited 2017-02-24 04:14 (UTC)
[ Adam has to bite back a smile and a snort by the end of that, coughing slightly and covering his mouth. He doesn't particularly believe in God so the whole bit just kind of tickles him some. He doesn't move though despite Andyr's beckoning. Not at first. He's confused still despite listening to Andyr keep talking.
He keeps trying to think of words because while he usually needs physical touch to be comforted to understand or at least part of the way right now he really needs words and logic and there's no place for that here. He feels again wholly inadequate to be the center of Ronan's world.Ronan who can create an entire world and Adam who just needs to understand the one he's already in.
To him it appears that Andyr is a hell of a lot better at communicating with Ronan in Ronan's world than Adam is. ]
He keeps trying to think of words because while he usually needs physical touch to be comforted to understand or at least part of the way right now he really needs words and logic and there's no place for that here. He feels again wholly inadequate to be the center of Ronan's world.Ronan who can create an entire world and Adam who just needs to understand the one he's already in.
To him it appears that Andyr is a hell of a lot better at communicating with Ronan in Ronan's world than Adam is. ]
[They're suddenly having a very different conversation. One that Ronan, incidentally, doesn't want to be having at all. None of this should be about him. They've been over this.]
Andyr.
[Ronan meets his eyes, reaching up to press his palm to Andyr's cheek and hold him steady.]
I just said this is what I want.
[This isn't helping. Adam was so afraid earlier, too, when he proposed this. Ronan looks past Andyr, fixing his eyes on Adam now. This outburst is doing nothing but hurting him.]
Like you said, we love each other. All three of us. There's no reason we shouldn't make love together.
Andyr.
[Ronan meets his eyes, reaching up to press his palm to Andyr's cheek and hold him steady.]
I just said this is what I want.
[This isn't helping. Adam was so afraid earlier, too, when he proposed this. Ronan looks past Andyr, fixing his eyes on Adam now. This outburst is doing nothing but hurting him.]
Like you said, we love each other. All three of us. There's no reason we shouldn't make love together.
[ steady is something he needs, because andyr's panicking. it seems like they're dismantling the only thing adam and ronan had held sacred between them, and with how much they'd dissolved already, andyr's terrified it'll split them beyond repair. he loves them both, deeply, but he's terrified of this fracture, and that shows in how he searches ronan's eyes. ]
What'll you have left just for you?
[ andyr knows adam's struggling with this, but adam's a big boy, and so is ronan. maybe they need to be a little bit less sensitive to upsetting the other, if it means them actually fucking talking about anything. if it means ronan doesn't believe he's being punished, and adam doesn't think he's trying to be Enough all the time. ]
What do you two want from each other? Not just the sex. All of it, be honest.
[ he wants to love them like this, he does so badly, but there's such a dishonesty going into it with the fear that he's hurting something in it. he can't press inside adam and be worrying if this is the prelude to them breaking apart for good. pulling his hands up, andyr presses them against his eyes, scrubbing, with voice muffled. he knows he's acting ridiculous. ] I'm sorry. I don't know how this crap's supposed to work, I just-- I can't ruin you two. You're all I have, and I can't.
What'll you have left just for you?
[ andyr knows adam's struggling with this, but adam's a big boy, and so is ronan. maybe they need to be a little bit less sensitive to upsetting the other, if it means them actually fucking talking about anything. if it means ronan doesn't believe he's being punished, and adam doesn't think he's trying to be Enough all the time. ]
What do you two want from each other? Not just the sex. All of it, be honest.
[ he wants to love them like this, he does so badly, but there's such a dishonesty going into it with the fear that he's hurting something in it. he can't press inside adam and be worrying if this is the prelude to them breaking apart for good. pulling his hands up, andyr presses them against his eyes, scrubbing, with voice muffled. he knows he's acting ridiculous. ] I'm sorry. I don't know how this crap's supposed to work, I just-- I can't ruin you two. You're all I have, and I can't.
[ Adam exhales, trying to push his own panic aside. He's usually pretty good at that, he's always had to be. So he manages. The question isn't so hard to answer. ]
He's making a place that's ours and we have forever. There's an eternity left. [ Because Ronan's not fucking dying. ]
He's making a place that's ours and we have forever. There's an eternity left. [ Because Ronan's not fucking dying. ]
[There is not an eternity left. Ronan doesn't correct Adam, however. He looks at Andyr again. As it always is when someone else is in turmoil, Ronan is spectacularly calm. He speaks softly, soothing:]
You couldn't possibly ruin us.
[Again, they've been over this before. Andyr was never the catalyst for Ronan's downfall. Ronan's sins are his own.]
Sex isn't what's important about me and Adam. We have something beyond anything our bodies are capable of. What's left for us is an entire universe that's just ours. We're inextricably fucking connected. Nothing could possibly separate us.
[He... does not love to point this out. Many aspects of it are the very opposite of romantic. But that is the truth of it. Since the bargain, Ronan hasn't exactly had a choice about his obsession with Adam.]
Adam and I are together no matter what. The question is, do you want to join us?
You couldn't possibly ruin us.
[Again, they've been over this before. Andyr was never the catalyst for Ronan's downfall. Ronan's sins are his own.]
Sex isn't what's important about me and Adam. We have something beyond anything our bodies are capable of. What's left for us is an entire universe that's just ours. We're inextricably fucking connected. Nothing could possibly separate us.
[He... does not love to point this out. Many aspects of it are the very opposite of romantic. But that is the truth of it. Since the bargain, Ronan hasn't exactly had a choice about his obsession with Adam.]
Adam and I are together no matter what. The question is, do you want to join us?
[ they'd been over it, yes, but andyr's as hard headed about guilt as ronan tends to be, at times. the few times he actually allows himself to linger on it, and it's always something ascribed to someone very close to his heart, these boys included.
but ronan's very, very good at calming andyr's mind when it starts to spiral. one of the things he'd become so attached to him for, that steel calm of his that seems entirely immovable, like a bulwark. andyr's head bobs, in ronan's hands, nodding as he takes this in. inextricably fucking connected. no, it's not terribly romantic, not when andyr knows how he means it and the lack of choice in it, but they'd come to love each other regardless, and at the very least, it means one will never be alone with the other so nearby. ] Okay. Yeah, I get it. Okay.
[ andyr murmurs while he tells himself this must be the truth, because ronan doesn't lie. his lips part, ready to tell them yes, he does want to join, he wants to be part of that, like nothing else he wants to, but just as he's about to speak, another thought crops up. the issue they'd had back on the Hub, and the thing ronan said he'd needed for sex to be a thing in the first place. ]
So why aren't you married? [ andyr blinks, brow furrowing, as he turns to look at adam again, and back to ronan. ] We're at the center of the multiverse, there's no way you can't find a Catholic priest here.
but ronan's very, very good at calming andyr's mind when it starts to spiral. one of the things he'd become so attached to him for, that steel calm of his that seems entirely immovable, like a bulwark. andyr's head bobs, in ronan's hands, nodding as he takes this in. inextricably fucking connected. no, it's not terribly romantic, not when andyr knows how he means it and the lack of choice in it, but they'd come to love each other regardless, and at the very least, it means one will never be alone with the other so nearby. ] Okay. Yeah, I get it. Okay.
[ andyr murmurs while he tells himself this must be the truth, because ronan doesn't lie. his lips part, ready to tell them yes, he does want to join, he wants to be part of that, like nothing else he wants to, but just as he's about to speak, another thought crops up. the issue they'd had back on the Hub, and the thing ronan said he'd needed for sex to be a thing in the first place. ]
So why aren't you married? [ andyr blinks, brow furrowing, as he turns to look at adam again, and back to ronan. ] We're at the center of the multiverse, there's no way you can't find a Catholic priest here.
Edited 2017-02-24 06:22 (UTC)
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