[the more Ronan talks, the more Adam finds himself angrier and the way that he usually pulls to shreds his anger isn't working because when he's almost done Ronan's still saying something infuriating. He pulls away, his expression flickering rapidly between wounded and furious.
He doesn't trust himself to talk. He hates his anger even more than he hates himself. Ronan has it wrong. He has it all wrong and it's pain that fuels the anger at the idea that he could even think Adam would feel that way or do something with that motive. The reminder of the potential death of Ronan being imminent (he refuses to accept it as a given) is further fuel.
Adam can't bear to unleash his anger in front of Ronan much less andyr so he's out the door to find some place else to do so without the risk of hurting anyone but himself.]
[ Ronan snaps at him, and andyr meets him with the blank expression of someone waiting out a child's tantrum. Really, taking care of Ronan Lynch is a lot more like babysitting than he probably wants to hear, but the boy's so wrapped up in this agony of his. Not unfairly or unexpectedly, but the issue is, if he wants to have the kind of connections that he does, and the kind of relationship he's trying for, and to be the kind of support to Adam that he wishes he was, he's going to need to make a choice, and start changing something.
However, much as andyr's been gentle and nurturing of Ronan this entire time, watching Adam storm off looking like he'd just taken a punch to the gut, and the inkling of a suspicion of what happened before they had this talk, he's decided it's time to stop holding Ronan's hand.
In fact, it's time for ronan to shut the fuck up. Words don't ever seem to accomplish that, and Andyr wouldn't ever hit him, but luckily, Ronan made them a big pool of water. A few still seconds after the door slams behind Adam, andyr's hands hook under Ronan's thighs, and he bodily throws him into the bath just a foot or so away. ]
You're going to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up for the next five minutes if you give even half a fuck about the two of us. You don't get to decide what we're pissed about. [ andyr grinds out, standing up, and stepping into the edge of the pool, disregarding how his pant legs soak up the water. ] You're terminal, and that sucks, I get that. But you know how long most of the people I love have to live? Five years, birth to death, at best.
[ stepping closer, andyr's hands curl in the front of Ronan's jacket, tugging him up to growl into his face. ] Nothing's ending until you're fucking flatlining.
[ an arm snaps out, pointing towards the door Adam just went running out of. ]
He is trying to love you any way he knows how and you're just crumbling into your fucking self pity. How dare you even think about telling him it's a choice he's making to be without you, when you're over here going invalid on him. It's not your decision whether you're worthy of him or not either. If you're so worried about him giving up his free will, stop taking choices from him. [ rich, coming from andyr, but the principle of it is still correct and they both know that. letting go of his coat, andyr drops him back into the water, straightening up to look down at him. ] You don't get the luxury of being sensible, and taking a peaceful end. Not when you have someone depending on you. It is your responsibility, as the person that boy's chosen to love, to tell him death itself will have to crawl up from Hell and rip you out of his arms if it wants to take you. And then it's your job to fight it with everything you can reach for when it gets here. You're not just you anymore, Ronan, and you know that. So stop cowering and start fucking acting like it.
[ he'd been alright letting Ronan be afraid before, because he had a right to, but he can't have both. He can't want to make Adam happy, and do this. That's the reality of it he's missing. ]
You don't have the goddamn right to say you love him, either of us, until you're willing to do that, at least.
no subject
[the more Ronan talks, the more Adam finds himself angrier and the way that he usually pulls to shreds his anger isn't working because when he's almost done Ronan's still saying something infuriating. He pulls away, his expression flickering rapidly between wounded and furious.
He doesn't trust himself to talk. He hates his anger even more than he hates himself. Ronan has it wrong. He has it all wrong and it's pain that fuels the anger at the idea that he could even think Adam would feel that way or do something with that motive. The reminder of the potential death of Ronan being imminent (he refuses to accept it as a given) is further fuel.
Adam can't bear to unleash his anger in front of Ronan much less andyr so he's out the door to find some place else to do so without the risk of hurting anyone but himself.]
[ Ronan snaps at him, and andyr meets him with the blank expression of someone waiting out a child's tantrum. Really, taking care of Ronan Lynch is a lot more like babysitting than he probably wants to hear, but the boy's so wrapped up in this agony of his. Not unfairly or unexpectedly, but the issue is, if he wants to have the kind of connections that he does, and the kind of relationship he's trying for, and to be the kind of support to Adam that he wishes he was, he's going to need to make a choice, and start changing something.
However, much as andyr's been gentle and nurturing of Ronan this entire time, watching Adam storm off looking like he'd just taken a punch to the gut, and the inkling of a suspicion of what happened before they had this talk, he's decided it's time to stop holding Ronan's hand.
In fact, it's time for ronan to shut the fuck up. Words don't ever seem to accomplish that, and Andyr wouldn't ever hit him, but luckily, Ronan made them a big pool of water. A few still seconds after the door slams behind Adam, andyr's hands hook under Ronan's thighs, and he bodily throws him into the bath just a foot or so away. ]
You're going to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up for the next five minutes if you give even half a fuck about the two of us. You don't get to decide what we're pissed about. [ andyr grinds out, standing up, and stepping into the edge of the pool, disregarding how his pant legs soak up the water. ] You're terminal, and that sucks, I get that. But you know how long most of the people I love have to live? Five years, birth to death, at best.
[ stepping closer, andyr's hands curl in the front of Ronan's jacket, tugging him up to growl into his face. ] Nothing's ending until you're fucking flatlining.
[ an arm snaps out, pointing towards the door Adam just went running out of. ]
He is trying to love you any way he knows how and you're just crumbling into your fucking self pity. How dare you even think about telling him it's a choice he's making to be without you, when you're over here going invalid on him. It's not your decision whether you're worthy of him or not either. If you're so worried about him giving up his free will, stop taking choices from him. [ rich, coming from andyr, but the principle of it is still correct and they both know that. letting go of his coat, andyr drops him back into the water, straightening up to look down at him. ] You don't get the luxury of being sensible, and taking a peaceful end. Not when you have someone depending on you. It is your responsibility, as the person that boy's chosen to love, to tell him death itself will have to crawl up from Hell and rip you out of his arms if it wants to take you. And then it's your job to fight it with everything you can reach for when it gets here. You're not just you anymore, Ronan, and you know that. So stop cowering and start fucking acting like it.
[ he'd been alright letting Ronan be afraid before, because he had a right to, but he can't have both. He can't want to make Adam happy, and do this. That's the reality of it he's missing. ]
You don't have the goddamn right to say you love him, either of us, until you're willing to do that, at least.