[ Andyr's listening quietly, realization of it all dawning on him, and it's something achingly familiar to him. pulling a hand up, andyr's palm wraps over the bracelets at one of ronan's wrists, thumb caressing over the skin underneath, at his wrist, and for a long moment he's silent. When he starts to speak, it's quiet, soft, something only the two of them would hear, pressed this close together. ]
My dad and me, we went to get my twin sister from Hapsburg. We found her, but... she shot him. Point blank. Turned me in to the labs.
[ Staring at his still body on the cold tile of the House, and back to Jehanne's blank, emotionless expression, it had felt like a nightmare. all the way, dragged through the halls, kicking and screaming, until they'd stripped him down and strapped him to the lab table, he'd been praying to just wake up. by the time the next hour had eclipsed, he'd already lost hope. ]
Spent about a month in there before I got my cell, and after that they... did stuff. [ His voice croaks at the end of the sentence, and there's an involuntary shake that goes through him, despite all andyr tries to hold down. if he'd thought andyr was some kind of fearless before, he hasn't seen this. just trying to assign words to it, just letting the memory of it sift up from the dark corners of his mind he shoves it all too, is a physical terror that creaks through him. in the end, he hides from it, doesn't explain. only swallows back against the ache in his throat, and skips to the point. ]
Two months in, I tried to hang myself. Almost managed it, but there's cameras everywhere. Guards got in and stopped me. [ for the last six years, he's wanted to die, that's the secret he doesn't tell any of the others. they won't let him. he knows the agony in that - of wanting so just lay down and be done with it, but not being allowed. he knows what urges that leaves lingering, and he wants ronan to know he isn't alone in it. ]
no subject
My dad and me, we went to get my twin sister from Hapsburg. We found her, but... she shot him. Point blank. Turned me in to the labs.
[ Staring at his still body on the cold tile of the House, and back to Jehanne's blank, emotionless expression, it had felt like a nightmare. all the way, dragged through the halls, kicking and screaming, until they'd stripped him down and strapped him to the lab table, he'd been praying to just wake up. by the time the next hour had eclipsed, he'd already lost hope. ]
Spent about a month in there before I got my cell, and after that they... did stuff. [ His voice croaks at the end of the sentence, and there's an involuntary shake that goes through him, despite all andyr tries to hold down. if he'd thought andyr was some kind of fearless before, he hasn't seen this. just trying to assign words to it, just letting the memory of it sift up from the dark corners of his mind he shoves it all too, is a physical terror that creaks through him. in the end, he hides from it, doesn't explain. only swallows back against the ache in his throat, and skips to the point. ]
Two months in, I tried to hang myself. Almost managed it, but there's cameras everywhere. Guards got in and stopped me. [ for the last six years, he's wanted to die, that's the secret he doesn't tell any of the others. they won't let him. he knows the agony in that - of wanting so just lay down and be done with it, but not being allowed. he knows what urges that leaves lingering, and he wants ronan to know he isn't alone in it. ]
You still want to, sometimes?